Hi loonytunes,

To be honest, i think the reason i didn't reply to your post is because i wasn't entirely sure what your question actually was. i don't do and have never done full on 24/7, but nm.

Firstly, you say that you're wife is struggling with two elements of your new lifestyle, those being pain and control. In terms of the first one, pain is something that has differing levels of importance in Ds relationships, for different people (look at, for instance, the different ways Finding_Fantasy and Jones, Nikka talk about pain...this is just one example, but you take my point) and henceforth i guess this is something you need to work on graudually to figure out. In terms of control, well, she isn't the first submissive to struggle with relinquishing control and i doubt very much she'll be the last. i have always personally believed that this is because, as natural as being sub feels to a sub...it kinda, in some ways, works against other elements of human nature. It is however just a matter of accepting who one is and bringing the two together. i was talking to someone in chat the other night about this very subject and we both agreed it can be VERY confusing....personally, i became much happier about the sub thing when i realised/accepted that submissive was not akin to stupid, unintelligent, weak or not having a view or an opinion on anything. That's the mental/emotional, in pratical terms, i really believe it is just habit and getting used to new things...something that Katmandu said a few weeks ago, which i very much liked, springs to mind...it was something like "Have a go, kneel at your Master's feet, feel silly, but do it anyway" (sorry if i am misquoting you Kats!). Other than that, i think it might be an idea to set a few boundaries in terms of ettiquette and what you expect - even 24/7 isn't a blanket term.


Quote Originally Posted by loonytunes
I cannot fault her commitment to our decision as a few days ago i decided that she should have her first real flogging, i gave her something to hold that she should release when things got too intense, but she refused to let go of it and went further than i ever thought possible, in fact she was marked for days, and i love her all the more for that
If you can't fault her commitment, then things are surely going pretty well. Presumably you know of her concerns because she's disclosed them to you as opposed to something you've picked up on during a scene or something?? When you say 'she refused to let go...it sounds a bit more like a battle of wills than a sub expanding her limits...but i'm probably reading that wrong and she's probably using the these specifics to try to alleviate the slightly difficulties she's having.

In terms of you wishing her to have female support and meet a few people, the best way to do that is by jer joining up and joining in! Not only would this enable her to meet a few people, but also she could then make her own posts (with your permission of course, if applicable) and people might be able to help more.

Look forward to meeting her and welcome to the forums!

sl