raped for being sub?

[myri_SN]

i didn't post this to be lectured by certain people. lecturing won't change it. i only posted it as the subject came up on another forum and i thought it would be interesting to hear other peoples stories. or could this only happen to me?

i made the mistake last year and ask in my usual chatroom if someon would go to cinema with me as i didn't want to go alone. one guy who was a regular said he would meet me at the cinema and so we went to see the film. all public and stuff and the peopel in the room knew and most of them are real to. he seemed genuin so i thought why not as i would not go anywhere alone with him and i never ever wanted or even had the slightest intention to play with him ever.
still i seem to trust people far too easily so the next day he said he would be in town again in a day for a business meeting and would pop in 5 minutes for a cup of coffee. i didnt see too much problems there as i wasnt living alone, i had a bedsit in a student house so always other people there to and i played frequently in that room and think it safer than an hotel where noone knows you. anyways he turned up even though i told him that i would never ever play with him. he was in a weird mood the second he got there and did with me what he wanted. after people said he raped me, even thought it was only his fist. he damaged me. then some poeple said noone could play with me if i don't want but he did. a dom i was seeing later said that i pobably switched into sub-mode right away when he got there and hence could get his way. i tried to stop him as he really hurt me but that seemed useless so i just tried to forget it as i can't turn back time and i didn't fancy telling the police what i do i my personal life.
now a few weeks ago i heard that he does that to a lot of subs and right now tries to lure one from the states to live with him. she is aparently selling her farm....

[Dslave]

Unfortunately, no matter how much you want to save other people from bad experiences the most you can do is share and I think that sharing this is the good thing that came out of it. Maybe, someone considering doing the same thing that you did will reconsider after reading this and be more cautious. It is horrible that people abuse situations and people for their own personal gain and I am sorry it happened to you but hopefully you have learned enough from it to teach someone else not to make the same mistake and I think that you need to take that with you and leave the rest behind. Just remember, no matter how much you try to warn people, people are going to do what they want to do, regardless. Hopefully, people will think twice about meeting a person without having a really good safe plan for that meeting after hearing what you went through. If they don't, at least you did what you could and attempted to make your bad into good.

[woodsman'sgame]

then some poeple said noone could play with me if i don't want but he did

Don't listen to those who said you wanted that to happen, Myri. If you didn't, you didn't. The fact that you didn't fight doesn't mean a thing. Just because we are submissive and don't fight doesn't mean we want bad things to happen to us. You should not feel like you did anything wrong. You trusted someone and he took advantage of that trust. He was an ass.

Thanks for the warning. I hope that others will take heed.

[Dngnkeeper]

Woodsman'sgame you are so right. NO means just that NO!!!!!

Myri as a male rape victim I have an understanding of your thoughts and feelings. Let me reiterate just because you are submissive you are NOT available to anyone and everyone regardless of YOUR desires. This guy is a predator and you have done a very courageous thing in telling others about him.

Getting up on soap box....

Its fortunate that you followed the basic safety rules when meeting this guy as I shutter to think of what might have happened under different cerstances. After the many years of enjoying BDSM I have seen first hand what can happen when predators have abused people and the consequences it has on the rest of their lives.

As a sponsor of a local BDSM munch I find this story all too familiar. Several times a year I hear from other women and occasionally men about chillingly familiar stories of trust broken in a similar manner. All to often the victim is to scared, embraced or too far in the closet to come forward and warn others of the dangers of the predators they have encountered. And oddly enough like the woman you mention, even after warnings from others, they will still seek out these predators for a relationship, only to fall victim themselves.

Myri there is no shame in saying no to unwanted sexual advances and you should have no guilt because of the actions of a predator. After all how can he expect trust when he has no respect for you as a person. Thank you for letting others know about him.

[allalone46]

There is no reason for anyone to do to any one what was don't to you. Your being a sub is not a reason. a dom i was seeing later said that i pobably switched into sub-mode right away when he got there and hence could get his way. Ido hope woodsman didn't say this. Adn that one wouls ay this shows he isn't a real Dom just one playing at it.
now a few weeks ago i heard that he does that to a lot of subs and right now tries to lure one from the states to live with him. she is aparently selling her farm....[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] I hope she has a friend that can stop and help her. This person (cant realy call that freak a man) needs to be stopped.

[Barton]

Safe, Sane, Consensual!!
Now and always.

[Driveslikeagirl]

I hope you're healing emotionally and physically. I'm so sorry this happened to you. NEVER listen to anyone with a "blame the victim" attitude. They are all small-minded, ignorant, and pathetic people.

Take care of yourself, and know that there are others out there who understand what you've been through, and are thinking of you.

[myri_SN]

I hope you're healing emotionally and physically. I'm so sorry this happened to you. NEVER listen to anyone with a "blame the victim" attitude. They are all small-minded, ignorant, and pathetic people.

Take care of yourself, and know that there are others out there who understand what you've been through, and are thinking of you.

well some told me that i would probably have provoked it or wanted to play when meeting him even i said no before meeting

[Driveslikeagirl]

Well, I know this has been said elsewhere plenty of times, but I'll repeat it here:

We as a society LOVE to "blame the victim" of any crime or unfortunate circumstance. By rationalizing to ourselves that bad things happen to people because they either asked for it, or somehow deserved it, gives us the illusion of control. After all (the false reasoning goes), if the victim somehow asked for it or deserved it, then all WE have to do to protect ourselves from something awful happening to US, is to simply not "ask for it".

It is much more psychologically comforting for people to blame the victim, than to admit that they are just as vulnerable to becoming a victim themselves.

But how pathetic is it to find a person like your acquaintance, who would rather further victimize a crime victim with such hurtful words and accusatory behavior, than admit that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I suppose such cruelty and utter self-delusionment is a luxury of someone who has never been a victim of an unfortunate event themselves. Well, lucky them. Inevitably, it will happen to them as well (such is life), and that should put a cork in their ignorant piehole.

Until then, ignore such people, or at least see them for the unfortunate and misguided souls that they are; they have such limited life experience that they can't even muster up an ounce of compassion for a sexual assault victim.

[myri_SN]

There is no reason for anyone to do to any one what was don't to you. Your being a sub is not a reason. a dom i was seeing later said that i pobably switched into sub-mode right away when he got there and hence could get his way. Ido hope woodsman didn't say this. Adn that one wouls ay this shows he isn't a real Dom just one playing at it.
now a few weeks ago i heard that he does that to a lot of subs and right now tries to lure one from the states to live with him. she is aparently selling her farm....[/FONT][/COLOR]

I hope she has a friend that can stop and help her. This person (cant realy call that freak a man) needs to be stopped.[/QUOTE]
think you got quotes and replies mixed together in your post...