my journey

[tessa]

What I am finding here in this great community is that everyone, regardless of the package they come in, has something of worth from which to learn...even 19-year olds. And I will say this again...it's not courage, it's the sheer desperate need to do whatever I can to make this work in my life. I have waited (and wasted) so much time. I am determined not to do that any longer.

So ~giving Dorkalicious a little hug~ I guess we will be learning together? Let's hope so anyway.

[tessa]

So...I really should have titled this thread, "At a Snail's Pace".

For all of you out there wondering about whether or not to mention BDsM to your significant other, just realize that the introducing it is the easy part. It's the after that gets all complicated...and slow going! Is it so overwhelming to contemplate, I wonder? Is that what the hold-up is? It can't be because I've been overassertive or anything. Ok, I know I'm waaaaayyyy past impatient, but I haven't been all up in his business about it (like I was that one time). Encouraging and slightly eager...those are the words I would use to describe how I've been. Considering my mind is screaming, "what the hell does a submissive have to do to get tied up around here?!?", I think I'm doing very well. (That's oversimplifying, of course, but accurate in it's own way.) My feelings on all this are that it just shouldn't be so difficult, not when two people actually want the changes. So something must be up. However, I am just a little bit weary of trying to sort it all through. It has to be over the top frustrating, and probably closer to tragic, for those who are with someone who won't even consider a change in lifestyle. Which makes me feel awful for even boo-hooing in the first place. I do believe I will go about the business of getting over myself now.

The tale of Prince Not-So-Domly and Subbierella will just have to go back on the shelf for awhile. Thanks to all of you who helped me turn those first few pages.

But I will always be waiting for the happy ending. Hope is a good thing...right?

[Ruby]

But I will always be waiting for the happy ending. Hope is a good thing...right?

Tessa,

It's a very good thing.

Sometimes it feels like two steps forward and three steps back. Timing is everything and making time can be a huge help.

It's not topping from the bottom to provide him with all the hints he needs:

* telling him what you want and how much it excites you
* scheduling a date night
* sending the child(ren) out to a sitter/aunt/grandparent
* having all the toys, props, etc. ready before hand, so he can see them when he arrives
* greeting him with a cheerful attitude and giving him time to acclimate, take a shower, whatever he needs to ditch the day
* serving him dinner in one of your favorite costumes or nothing at all
* ... you fill in the blank

Sometimes a girl has to drop a ton of bricks to get tied up!

Good luck on the next step in your adventure,

Ruby

[tessa]

Sometimes a girl has to drop a ton of bricks to get tied up!

Good luck on the next step in your adventure,

Ruby, as before, your advice/words/encouragement are so incredibly welcome and needed. Thank you again for the thought you put into your response and for knowing how important and not so easy this whole thing can be.

Now, I'm off to the hardware store for that ton of bricks...and anything else that might be useful.

So very sincerely-
tessa

[tessa]

Over a month since my last post here?? How did that happen? Oh, yes. Life happened.

First off, I have to thank the special people who have offered advice and counsel. Your words have helped, encouraged, calmed, chastised, directed and supported me more than I could ever adequately express. My sincere thanks!

It has been a slow go. No denying that. But it has been progressing, despite me (and that's saying so much). This D/s living is complicated. I say that because it's laced with life- work, sickness, a child, and just the everyday of getting it all done. It does nothing but harm to be impatient. What a hard lesson to learn. But I think I'm on my way to developing some patience in all this. If I want this in my life, I'd better learn. So I am.

It's been pointed out to me that I over-analyze issues. And you know what? It's so true! I can take a clear positive and turn it into a negative in half a second flat just because I choose to. How useless is that? Very, to answer my own question. My husband is trying in this. He is leading us to where we both want to be. I can see that. So why do I fuss and pout and stomp my feet when something that is clearly a move-ahead happens? Because I didn't deem the move as being bold enough? Because I didn't control how it played out? Because it wasn't how I would have done it. Can we see a commonality here? I do. Well, now I do. I didn't. I was my own worst enemy. I still would be if those very generous in spirit individuals hadn't been helping me as they have. I have taken thier advice to heart and it is working.

The tale I am about to relate says a great deal to me about how far my husband and I have journeyed in a short time, due largely in part to the support I've gotten from here. We went to my favorite place in North Carolina- a shop that sells the most beautiful pottery ever, which I happen to collect. Well, I was planning on getting two pieces to add to my collection, but as it always happens, I saw a third piece I just had to have. So I proceeded to pick it up and turned to make my way to the register. My husband blocked my path and when I moved to go around him, he asked me if I had forgotten something. I said "um, don't think so" as I really couldn't think of anything. He reminded me that we had agreed that I would only get two pieces. I said "yeah, but I like three." He just stood there looking at me. It finally dawned on me that he was expecting me to ask permission to get it (insert blonde joke here). I was incredulous, to put it mildly. I think I even asked him if he was serious. He was. So with a huge grin on my face, I asked him if I could also get this other piece. And with the shopkeeper looking on and not five feet away, my husband, the man I believed didn't have it in him, said "beg for it". I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I was that happy.

Then reality hit. I was in a very small place with other people! How and what and oh my gosh!!! But he was delightedly serious. My mind was spinning because I know the shopkeeper could hear us. It was for real! My husband had expectations that he wanted met. He would have said no if I had laughed it off or chose not to do as he requested (I'm looking at that lovely piece of hand-crafted artwork as I type this, so I guess I did an okay job of it). So I did what I'd been dreaming about. Because my Dominant wanted it, I begged for something. It didn't make a difference what I was begging for. It just mattered that he demanded it and I was obeying. For me, this was momentous, a big step for us together as a D/s couple. I'm still smiling about it.

It is taking time...and more time and more time. But you know, that's okay. Because more time just means moving further ahead. And last night, my husband asked if I would consider referring to him as "Master".

How's that for moving right along?