my journey

[Ruby]

Hi Tessa,

Thank you for sharing your adventures with us.

Seems as if the kinky couple face real life issues just like the rest of the vanilla world.

A profound and true statement!

Picture it, if you will. Real life, real child, real mess... I growl out, "could you DO something?!?" in a tone of voice that even to me sounded alien. ~hears the gasps of "oh she didn't!"~ Yes, I did. And it was ugly.

Smiles and nods head. You have heard the saying that being a submissive is not the same as being a doormat. Yes? That just because you are a submissive, you still have emotions, needs, wants, etc. Yes? Good.

Cause we've got more going on here than you taking the role of a submissive.

We're talking about you being a mom.

Some things to think about in your mom role:

The longer the mess is left, depending on the mess, the more dangerous the situtation to the child. Were you doing what you needed - though not in the way you would have liked - to protect your child?

What part of being dominanent means your husband doesn't have to help with parenting?
Cleaning up messes?
Protecting the child?
Etc.

Have the two of you discussed the time and place where you want to "act out" your submissive and dominant roles?
In front of friends?
Family?
Strangers?
In the bedroom?

As a parent of two teen boys, I can say that "timing is everything".

Perhaps you could have said, "Honey, may you please help with this? May you please take junior out of the room while I clean this up?" or whatever the perfect thing to say. And we always come up with those things after the fact.

However, you can also ask yourself, what role do you want to take during any crisis and how do you want your child (and future children) to view you?

Why didn't you want your husband to help out?
Did you think this affected your ability to serve him?

Doms have to serve their subs, too.
It's a two way street.

So?? What happened?? ... I was disappointed and a tad angry... After all, weren't we supposed to be on this grand BDsM adventure?? Perfect submissive, perfect Dominant...and punishment and discipline and control if so needed?? Well, this is real life, so no one wins the perfect award ever.

LOL on the perfect award. It isn't out there.
As to your adventure, well you are on it.

The ability of couples to stay in their dom/sub roles 24/7 is about as easy as being perfect. Life happens. Often. And who's to say a feisty sub isn't what is needed at any moment.

He said it confused him that I would act in such a way when I had been so effusive about wanting to be this happy submissive. I said he confused me when he didn't respond in any real Dominant way to what I had done. We both accepted our own responsibility in the matter. And we both reiterated that we desire to have more of the D/s in our day-to-day doings, but we also realized that we were going to have to shift our mentality about what being Dominant and submissive together was all about. But we are both struggling with how to go about shifting in such a way when we've been stuck in place for the last 15 years.

Yes, yes, yes!!!!

I know many couples where who is the dom and who is the sub is rarely guessed accurately. We all have our own personalities that shine through. There is no rule book, except the one we make up and continue to modify.

What could have been done and said, on both our parts?

A zillion things could have been done and said, yet you two made huge progress, you discussed it.

What could you have done better?

Discussed what happened after the incident and not waited for the next day.

You could have immediately apologized to your husband for yelling/barking at him.

He could have taken charge and asked for an apology.

Rudeness, in front of children is not a good thing, regardless of the dom/sub role you've taken.

What can you do in the future?

Take the time to constantly ask yourseleve's if the changes you are making in your relationship are working for the both of you.

Keep up with the great communication and sense of humor.

Adjust, modify, learn, laugh and move on.

Cause as you've pointed out, that "Perfect" award isn't available.

Hang in there, Tessa

Ruby