tessa's first assignment: "the deflowering project"

[Mad Lews]

I'll add my wows as well. His nice rich descriptions in his reverie and the contrast with her mundane conversation give both characters very distinct voices. It’s important that you don’t overlap them and you have no trouble there. The sparks of humor as the two stories lines intersect are purely you .
Just a few thoughts; you are mixing two points of view, separated only by paragraphs. You need to tip toe when you do that for readers can become confused. You pull it off, it works as well as It can be done I suspect, and for a first piece that’s an amazing trick.
The question I’d have you ask is why?
Was there any easier way (for the reader, as well as yourself) to give the distinctively different POVs between him and her, and use them to tell of the differences between her with him, and her in a more vanilla world where she still needs to exist sometimes.
A lot to cover in such a short assignment, ya done good.
Mad

[tessa]

I'll add my wows as well. His nice rich descriptions in his reverie and the contrast with her mundane conversation give both characters very distinct voices. It’s important that you don’t overlap them and you have no trouble there. The sparks of humor as the two stories lines intersect are purely you .

~big hug~ You have to know, Mad Lews, how bright that made me smile.

Just a few thoughts; you are mixing two points of view, separated only by paragraphs. You need to tip toe when you do that for readers can become confused. You pull it off, it works as well as It can be done I suspect, and for a first piece that’s an amazing trick.

No other way of putting it out there occurred to me other than using the paragraphs with the italicizing to show the difference. Considering the reader should be a bit more frontal in my thinking. Thank you for the word of caution.

The question I’d have you ask is why?

I wanted to risk trying something I wasn't at all comfortable with. Well, truth is, putting my story words out there to be read isn't comfortable no matter how it's done. But for this Writer's Block, because it is a supportive and rich-in-author-wisdom environment, I want to challenge myself to be a bit more daring in the way I approach my writing. I guess that's why. Maybe. I think so at least.

Was there any easier way (for the reader, as well as yourself) to give the distinctively different POVs between him and her, and use them to tell of the differences between her with him, and her in a more vanilla world where she still needs to exist sometimes.

The answer to this question of yours is eluding me, basically again because I really don't know of other ways to present the idea in the way I was thinking it. Care to give me any hints? Please?? How would you have provided a clear demarcation of POV's?

A lot to cover in such a short assignment, ya done good.

~another hug~ Thanks for that, Mad One. That means so much coming from you.