I just got a chance to see this. It is quite good. In particular, I enjoyed the language used and the jolting contrast between the juxtaposed conversations...or was it a note she was reading? The jolt between the two made a difficult transition quite readable.
I was trying to let the reader inside her mind, to know that her mind wasn't on her mother's words, but his words. How certain words from her own comments would pull her thoughts away from the phone conversation with her mother and cause her to think on what he'd said to her while she was with him. I didn't pull it off as well as I wanted to, but hopefully by writing here, I can figure out how to write it the way I want the reader to feel it, how I truly want it to translate.

Also, I will add that the language used reminds me, not a little, of the style of writing more typically used by James Oliver Curwood and other writers of his time.
I am quite ignorant of James Oliver Curwood's books. But as my Grandma would say to me on occasion, "the difference between ignorance and stupidity is the willingness to learn", so I'll be looking him up pretty quick like.

There were a couple of mistakes that a proof reading would have fixed, but nothing particularly egregious.
I went nearly blind proof reading that story. Damn. Where are they? Little buggers.

Quite frankly, it reminded me of moments in my own life; conversations interupted by what I was reading or remembering. Very good
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That you thought it "quite good", that you "enjoyed the language used" and that something I wrote evoked an actual from-life feeling for you, well Mr. Dean, I am all the way through tickled pink! For feeling it and for telling me about it, thank you very much.

To prowl through your author's mind while I might have it so inclined my way...keeping the basic format of how I want to present the story, what would you suggest that would tighten it up, make it fly high with the reader?

Truly, thanks again for being so supportive.