tessa's first assignment: "the deflowering project"

[tessa]

[QUOTE]

Tessa,
It was not my intention to invoke too much nonsense over an interesting experiment in Point of View. I just didn't want to see you end up in some editor’s office draped over his lap with your skirt up and panties tangled about your ankles whilst an editorial paddle warmed your cheeks to a glowing red.

Ok I lied, I wouldn’t mind seeing that, but that’s not what the assignments are for.

Damn. It would have been a real treat to meet that editor and his paddle. And that pulled up skirt and taken down panties is a good look on me, too. And you could have watched and taken pictures, then we could have had a Writer's Block slide show presentation to show all the other writers how important proper grammar is, as evidenced by my reddened cheekies. ~sighs~ Oh well, since that's not what assignments are for, I'll move on to the pondering.

First as Dragon’s muse points out, the code of the Bard is that a tale can always be improved with each retelling. Now, mayhaps, you might wish to focus on your goal in this story? It’s about her and the two experiences, the weekend and the phone call with Mum. You’re also exploring differences between her and her lover, their roles, their expectations, and their thoughts. You do that by going into two different people’s minds in the first person.

That’s a tough sell.

Ok, a tough sell, but if it is done better than I did it, can it be done at all?

So the other approach might be to chose a character, (hint chose the girl) speak from her point of view, the reveries interspersed between the phone conversation are her own, about him, and about them, she can’t use his actual thoughts or emotions but can reminisce about his words and actions toward her. Working through that you can paint a pretty accurate picture of what’s going through his heart and mind. This would dramatically change the story, it would lose the sharp (and to a fumbling reader like Lews, sometimes jarring,) contrast it now has because you would now have just one story teller not two.

I think I can take a hint, but I have a question or 10 to ask. Could I write those words of his as her remembrances? Use that suggestion Mr. Dean had about prefacing the lover's words with some thought about what is going on with her? Such as, "It was her mother's voice in her ear, but her mind was still consumed with thoughts of him." - then use the italicized his-words approach? I guess I want to keep that sharp contrast in language, but make it more palatable a read (I'd hate to jar poor Lews any further). Sure, I can write it that way, but should it be done is what I'm asking, I guess.

Ok, I've been the clingy writing student long enough in this post, so I'll stop now. Thanks again for all this input, Mr. Mad Lews.

Still, a real shame about that editor/paddle thing.

Oh, wait a minute! I just saw that Mr. Dean has volunteered his editing services! Now, if he just has a paddle and you have some type of camera, we can make this assignment seriously interesting.