... not to get too personal on a public forum. Although, people can assist you, if the need be, you might not want everyone in the world who cares to look, to know about every detail of your mental health and such.

However, I will give you a bit of advice. You can decide whether to accept it or not.

First, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're a fine person and thinking that you have a pathetic life and such will only make it come true. I meant that your situation was pathetic, not you. I remember having to rely on parents and having to ask to do things. I hated it, too, but if you're getting free rent, then you have to live with it.

No one is angry with you for anything. Part of my interest in BDSM is to help people find their way through the lifestyle. I would rather see you make sane, healthy decisions and possibly be happy in the future than I would see you make an uninformed, decision based on your low self-esteem and poor self-image and regret it for the rest of your life. And believe me, the rest of your life can be very painful, in a bad way, and a lot longer than you would want it to be, given the theoretical situation that could evolve.

If you need a second opinion, ask any Canadian about Paul Bernardo and Carla Homolka. Those two are perfect examples of how a BDSM relationship, if you can call it that, can go terribly wrong.