Fabulous advice mythicat. I highly recommend attending a munch or two in your local area. They're a great way to meet other kinky peeps without it being too obvious. If that's too tame, what of a good fetish party?

If that isn't fruitful, try alternative newspapers. Almost every big city has one or two. Try placing a discreet ad and see where that leads you. Of course, there are online sites such as collar me and alt but they can be a pain. Still, they're a resource.

Personally, I recommend a munch. There's one this weekend if I'm not mistaken.