How did you find out about BDSM?

[iammarygirl]

Interesting topic so I thought I'd "jump in"

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

This is a kind of 2 part question for me. I didnt really know what BDSM was until discovering it on the internet around 19. Typical "reading stories" etc. type of stuff. My "first" real exp. was my college roommate when I decided to "push" the envelope when she lost a bet and had to "be my slave" for 1 weekend. Considering that we frequently made this bet and cleaning/cooking etc. was the general extent of it, you can imagine her shock when I layed out an outfit for her to wear to the pub that night - we went from there and ultimately she served me for 3 years.

My true "1st experience" though in looking back was at a slumber party at 14. My friend's mom had made her invite a "not cool" girl to the party. Being shallow teens we kind of ganged up on her and made her feel pretty geeky playing T or D and stuff. We got a bit of a "mob mentality" going and ended up "forcing" her to do all sorts of humiliating things. To give you an idea we had her wearing my friend's sisters bikini and doing jumping jacks - the biking was for an 8 year old girl and you can imagine the blushing on a developing, slightly overweight 14 year old girl doing jumping jacks. By the end of the night though my 2 friends were quietly uncomfortable but I kept pushing on including having her ask me to spank her (and happily obliging) for some "transgression". I found the power intoxicating! (I still masterbate to memories of that night now - although I have learned to "harness my power" a bit).

What was its appeal to you?

Absolutely the control.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well, when I first started reading more I thought that it was purely physical. I have since realised that the mental aspect of the control is at least as big (or bigger) part of my attraction.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Much to my chagrin I am occasional now. I own a small business and have to be VERY discreet - makes it hard to find an appropriate partner. Since my college roomie and I went our seperate ways (5 years ago) I have dabbled but not much in the way of "full time"

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

THe intoxicating power of knowing that my sub will do ANYTHING I desire for the simple reason that they are told to.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Dont have one currently but...what I liked is that Lisa wasn't a "mindless" sub. She could converse, express opinions etc but always knew where the "line" was. I dont want a zombie - I want a submissive girl.

[vistana]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Looking back, I remember that as a fairly young kid I would tell myself stories while in bed about being kidnapped, and doing what I now realize was masturbating.
I've been aware of the term BDSM for a while, but only really realized that I did like that stuff when I started reading fanfiction online. i always prefered the romances, then I moved onto PWP, then into kinkier & kinkier stories. Ran out of fanfiction, started looking for original work, then started reading non-fiction information. Which led me here.
I've never been in a chat room, and my worst encounters with the creeps of online BDSM has been badly writen stories.

Around the same time, I started exploring a little bit with my boyfriend, but I always wanted to take things farther than he did, and it didn't work very well.

Unlike many people here, I never really felt like I was the only one, because I got all my early material from fanfiction, and the writers and reviewers aren't shy about saying how much such and such a scene turns them on. Every step of my exploration I've known that I wasn't alone.

What was it's appeal to you?

The freedom. Choice and decision making are removed, you don't lose all responsibility, but you lose the need to think much.
The one time that my (ex)boyfriend really took a strongly dominant role, after it ended I was in a state of euphoria. I was grinning and felt like I was floating. He kept asking if I was ok, because I was just lying there smiling.
I want to feel that freedom, and that phenomenal afterglow again.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Even though I knew there were other people out there who felt the same, it still felt wrong. In most aspects of my life I'm a strong person, I don't let people push me around, or cater to me, so submitting to another person seemed wrong. I knew it happened, but it still seemed kind of sick. And I didn't think that a BDSM forum would have such friendly open discussion.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Barely even an occasional player. I have very little actual experience, and I don't think I'm quite ready to go out and seek it yet, it was easier when I was already in a very comfortable relationship.
So an occasional player wannabe. As a lifestyle...I've got a long ways to go before I could even really consider that.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

There is still a lot I want to learn, since I really don't know much. I've been reading a lot, but there's only so much you can learn from books and forums. I need to learn to remember that, and not wait forever for some real life (or even real online) experience.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

As I said earlier, the freedom that comes with the loss of control. I want to be challenged, and pushed to my limits, but not making the decisions allows me to just lose my inhibitions and just enjoy without worrying.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

None right now, or ever, really.

[Sunshine]

One absolutely dirty conversation in Sitges, near Barcelona in Spain.