Assignment 3 by anonymouse

[Ruby]

Hi anonymouse.

Apology accepted. Thank you for checking in with me.

I'm reading this while on a business trip and understand.

Take your time and have fun.
I'll be looking forward to what you create.

Ruby

[Satan_Klaus]

I know you tried to evoke a dream like quality in your writing and i must say that you suceeded marvelously.

I liked the sketchy hints at 'submission' without much further explanation as they seemed to follow the twisted logic of a dream: perfectly making sense that very moment without making much sense at all, if viewed from a distance.




However, for me, personally, it was laid on a bit thick. Especially in the first third or so, with too many adjectives accompanied by too little action or plot. If I had not resolved to read it through and think about it, I would probably not have finished reading your story.

In the last third, the dream-like quality is mostly gone, maybe too much so. The contrast seemed too sharp from one extreme to the other.




Satan_Klaus

[tessa]

This story worked for me, all parts of it. From the first, "I know about you." to the last, "you will submit...".

Excellent.

tessa