Quote Originally Posted by Switch Positive View Post
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Would you bring me a boquet (bouquet) of baby blue forget me nots?


Ana never liked country music before she had to work with that album on the jukebox; ‘Forgetmenot’ was currently her favorite song. The longing, lyric, twisted lovesong (two words) caught her ear; the clipty-clop of the rythm (rhythm) pulsed gently from the green neon machine.






In her free minutes (add "while" here) she did medetative menial tasks like washing dishes or cutting fruit and she allowed herself to think of Andrew.

As always, they parted without further plans. As always she wondered when she would see him again. Lose one of the "as always". Using the same word or phrase too close together gives a sing-song feel and can take the reader out of the story and into a rhythm



She caught her self (one word), almost gasping in delight as she looked up from the sink; her voice siezed (seized)midword.



Regaining composure quickly, she jerked herself back into professional posture. "What can I get for you, baby?" same way she always said it, same way she said it to everyone.





Before she could think of anything clever to say, "I have no plans," fell out of her mouth.










Silently, they entered.


She felt the lonely existance (existence) led in that still white house.


It was more a proceedural (procedural) offer to break the silence than a question.



On the white bed was a single bunch, different from all the perfect fragrant roses. These were hand picked from a neighbors garden.

A boquet (bouquet) of baby blue forgetmenots.



Fantastic rewrite. Just a few minor spellings dings and commas here and there. I am proud of you.