In thinking through a few thoughts a friend sent me, I had a light bulb moment. I'm developing as much in this D/s relationship as my husband. As one who thought she was oh so developed already, that's quite a light bulb.

As someone who has been pondering about D/s from way back, I wanted the situation between my Devil and I to be instant perfect. I wanted him to be the experienced Dom of my dreams, to come rescue me from Vanilla-land and gallantly carry me off to the dungeon to have his way with me. But here's the thing. He isn't experienced. But I'm not either! And nothing is perfect...ever. Not all the time anyway. If I'd sought out someone other than my husband to be submissive with, it would have been a given that inexperience was a part of the process. And it would most assuredly have been my inexperience to be dealt with. So why wasn't I willing to accept that from him? Because I've been a...~takes a deep breath and faces the ugly truth~ a hypocrite, that's why.

Ok, that's just icky to admit. Eww.

Here's the thing about my husband, this is all brand new. And even though he is getting real into the sex part of it, he's still working through the mentality of it, the day-to-day of it. Most of the time now, he doesn't think twice about forcing me to my knees and telling me to suck his cock, or, to my delight, grabbing the camera and taking pictures of his handiwork. The bedroom stuff is coming along wonderfully. We're both encouraging the hell out of each other in that respect. It is still tough when life is coming at us both and we just don't have the time or energy required to make it sizzle. But we are giving it serious attention, so that's pretty amazing in my way of thinking.

But...and you knew one was forthcoming, huh?...the everyday is another story. But it's another story for both of us. I'm working my butt off to make sure he feels comfortable in his role as Dominant outside the bedroom (cue good-girl applause) and he is making every effort to share this with me (cue Dom-ly applause). I'm far from perfect as a submissive (hears audible gasps of disbelief), so sometimes it's tough. I thank him and love all over him when he goes Dom on me, whenever and where ever, as infrequent as it might be. For example, this past weekend, we were hanging out with family. I was being my own self, directing this and that when it came to my child (ok, when it came to everything). He finally looked at me with that look and said, "you need to stop telling me what to do and start thinking of ways to make me smile". Now it was said quietly and discreetly, but here's my point...It WAS said!! A few months ago, that never would have happened. I told him later how much it turned me on and how freakin' wild that makes me when he says anything in that tone of voice. I also told him he was sexier than Mario Lopez on 'Dancing with the Stars' (which is the epitome of sexy, if you ask me). Those few words were worth 50 spankings and 10 rough fucks! ~thinks through that~ Ok, maybe I wouldn't want to have to trade all that yummy stuff in, but it doesn't change that what he said made it all so beautiful in my world

I'm trying to understand him, who he is as a Dom and what he must be thinking through. I'm sure that at some points in time, he's thinking to himself, "I want to do "that" (whatever "that" may be), but there's no way I can possibly do "that" to her!!" What I say to him over and over, "yes, you can do "that" and more importantly "please, will you do "that??" It's called positive reinforcement. And I know it's working, 'cause just last night, after I said how tired I was and how I just wanted to go to bed and sleep (really trying to make my point, you know?), I got myself dragged upstairs for some nasty action.

No, it's not perfect. But it's ours. That's infinitely better than "perfect".