my journey

[tessa]

tessa

smiles and hugs and more smiles

your happiness is jumping off the screen and smacking me straight in the face - it is so wonderful ~hugs~

Well, it doesn't seem that you're too unhappy about the smacking, so I'll smile with you.

~hugs my friend~ You are so wonderful!

[Ronn]

Am so happy for you tessa it sounds like you had a wonderful time and it was something you so wanted. It is so nice to see a friend be so happy and be able to enjoy life to its fullest extent. Kiss on cheek and hugs

[tessa]

Am so happy for you tessa it sounds like you had a wonderful time and it was something you so wanted. It is so nice to see a friend be so happy and be able to enjoy life to its fullest extent. Kiss on cheek and hugs

~hug and kiss~ Thanks, sweetie. You are a wonderful friend!

[tessa]

In thinking through a few thoughts a friend sent me, I had a light bulb moment. I'm developing as much in this D/s relationship as my husband. As one who thought she was oh so developed already, that's quite a light bulb.

As someone who has been pondering about D/s from way back, I wanted the situation between my Devil and I to be instant perfect. I wanted him to be the experienced Dom of my dreams, to come rescue me from Vanilla-land and gallantly carry me off to the dungeon to have his way with me. But here's the thing. He isn't experienced. But I'm not either! And nothing is perfect...ever. Not all the time anyway. If I'd sought out someone other than my husband to be submissive with, it would have been a given that inexperience was a part of the process. And it would most assuredly have been my inexperience to be dealt with. So why wasn't I willing to accept that from him? Because I've been a...~takes a deep breath and faces the ugly truth~ a hypocrite, that's why.

Ok, that's just icky to admit. Eww.

Here's the thing about my husband, this is all brand new. And even though he is getting real into the sex part of it, he's still working through the mentality of it, the day-to-day of it. Most of the time now, he doesn't think twice about forcing me to my knees and telling me to suck his cock, or, to my delight, grabbing the camera and taking pictures of his handiwork. The bedroom stuff is coming along wonderfully. We're both encouraging the hell out of each other in that respect. It is still tough when life is coming at us both and we just don't have the time or energy required to make it sizzle. But we are giving it serious attention, so that's pretty amazing in my way of thinking.

But...and you knew one was forthcoming, huh?...the everyday is another story. But it's another story for both of us. I'm working my butt off to make sure he feels comfortable in his role as Dominant outside the bedroom (cue good-girl applause) and he is making every effort to share this with me (cue Dom-ly applause). I'm far from perfect as a submissive (hears audible gasps of disbelief), so sometimes it's tough. I thank him and love all over him when he goes Dom on me, whenever and where ever, as infrequent as it might be. For example, this past weekend, we were hanging out with family. I was being my own self, directing this and that when it came to my child (ok, when it came to everything). He finally looked at me with that look and said, "you need to stop telling me what to do and start thinking of ways to make me smile". Now it was said quietly and discreetly, but here's my point...It WAS said!! A few months ago, that never would have happened. I told him later how much it turned me on and how freakin' wild that makes me when he says anything in that tone of voice. I also told him he was sexier than Mario Lopez on 'Dancing with the Stars' (which is the epitome of sexy, if you ask me). Those few words were worth 50 spankings and 10 rough fucks! ~thinks through that~ Ok, maybe I wouldn't want to have to trade all that yummy stuff in, but it doesn't change that what he said made it all so beautiful in my world

I'm trying to understand him, who he is as a Dom and what he must be thinking through. I'm sure that at some points in time, he's thinking to himself, "I want to do "that" (whatever "that" may be), but there's no way I can possibly do "that" to her!!" What I say to him over and over, "yes, you can do "that" and more importantly "please, will you do "that??" It's called positive reinforcement. And I know it's working, 'cause just last night, after I said how tired I was and how I just wanted to go to bed and sleep (really trying to make my point, you know?), I got myself dragged upstairs for some nasty action.

No, it's not perfect. But it's ours. That's infinitely better than "perfect".

[Dorkalicious]

He finally looked at me with that look and said, "you need to stop telling me what to do and start thinking of ways to make me smile".

Ooooh...hehe.

It's wonderful that you are so flexible with everything. I'm with you there when you say that you wish you had an experienced Dom run off and take you to his dungeon and have his way -- and lead you. But I see what you mean, learning together. That sounds wonderful too, yes hard at times, but wonderful as well. I'm happy for you. *hugs* thank you for sharing, and giving people like me hope! If not a good story as well I must say you are gifted with your writing, and I look forward to it every time, whether it's a poem or a post about your life. Thank you for sharing that as well. Hehe.

[gagged_Louise]

Nice post Tessa, I'm delighted things are working so fine and that your husband is adapting to his Dom role while realizing on one hand, it's up to him to demand your service and make you kneel and suck him off, or let yourself be bound, on the other hand he can't do that indiscriminately (in a way that would reduce you to be his creature). I totally agree sometimes the tone of voice matters and turns on as much as the physical action, that's one point I cherish about RPing online. When it's good it can be incredibly thrilling as you get to feel the tone of voice, the impact, the choice of words, and then you're free to follow into what you're made to do.

*hugs*
Louise

[pixie_dust]

This is so wonderful! *big warm hugs* I know exactly what you mean by "that tone". Everytime I hear it, myself, I get goosebumps and feel delicious tingles all over. *grins*

I'm so happy for you and all the progress both of you have made. I can relate so well on how much more difficult it is to bring D/s outside of the bedroom. Sir and I have had several situations come up along the way, and we are still both learning. Each day, we seem to become more "settled" though, as you will also.

[cadence]

It is wonderful to read your story and share in your celebration with the progression you and your Dom have made thus far.

Your thoughful insights and unending optimism will undoubtedly help others who share a similar situation develop and grow just as you have.

[suchaminx]

tessa

Your continued sharing of your journey always makes me smile. I might have said this before but watching how you have changed has been wonderful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I remember the 'tessa' who first found us and whilst I know you are still you, I feel now we getting the real tessa who hopes and wishes are coming true

I love the quote - its not perfect but it ours made me feel all warm and fuzzy

~hugs, smiles and kisses~

minxy xxx

[tessa]

D-licious, you are a doll, in spirit and in looks. Thanks for being such a sweetie!

Louise, I appreciate your friendship and your encouragement. They both mean so much to me!

pixie, knowing that more good times are ahead for us makes me smile. Thanks for that! So good to know that you're settling in so wonderfully and are happy!

cadence? Will you come with me to my next family get-together and tell them you think I'm optimistic? I'd like to see the look on their faces when you do! Thank you for sharing in this with me. ~hugs~

~looks over to minxy~ Ok, I'm just telling it like it is. I'm head over heels for you. That's all there is to it. Spread it around the Forums...tessa has a major crush on minxy!

~hugs to all my friends~

[Psynymph]

tessa your so hot!

*licks*

sorry i don't really have anything else to add that hasnt already been so eloquently spoken by previous goddess-like subbies.

so tessa.... when are you posting some pics in the Self Portraits forum?? huh? Where's your husband? let me talk to Him. i'll convince Him to let you......

[DareDevil]

tessa your so hot!

*licks*

sorry i don't really have anything else to add that hasnt already been so eloquently spoken by previous goddess-like subbies.

so tessa.... when are you posting some pics in the Self Portraits forum?? huh? Where's your husband? let me talk to Him. i'll convince Him to let you......

I'm right here.

So? Convince me, little girl.

[gagged_Louise]

Psynymph: you realize it's Tessa herself in her new avatar?

[Dorkalicious]

*giggles at the recent happenings in the thread*

*waves at Tessa's hubby* Wanna share? Lol

[DareDevil]

To Dorkalicious- If I share, you'll be at the top of the list. My tessa thinks you're "really cute"...her words. I saw your picture and have to agree.

[Psynymph]

lol oh yes Louise, i know.... *drool*

*giggles at DD* convince Ya huh? *looks all kinds of sweet and innocent, licks her lips*

so tessa remember you wanted me to teach you to belly dance? come here darling and lets have class......

[Guest 91108]

No, it's not perfect. But it's ours. That's infinitely better than "perfect".

I just reread the last couple days post here.
I have to say the quote above is about the wisest thing I've read on the board in some couple weeks now.
If everyone remembered that occassionally things would be so much better for their relationship.
Thanks Tessa and DD.

[DareDevil]

That just might do it, Psynymph. Keep in mind that the more hands-on the instruction is the better the chances are of convincing me.

Wolfscout, I thought the same when I read it. She makes me proud.

[ceegee{Benz}]

She makes me proud.

as she should do...smiles

[tessa]

~runs into the room, looking at all the nice things being said~

D-licious!!! Yum!!! Share time with you would be sweet! Just like you. Seriously, though, I want to borrow that red shirt you are wearing in that pic of yours. But have it on so I can unlace it. Please?? ~yums up that image~

Wolfie, that is a really nice thing you said. Thanks so much.

Louise, you just make me smile. I'm gonna hug you up! ~does just that~

nymphette, I can't wait to get started on those belly dancing classes, but it's going to have to wait. My devil has the day off from work and our little bundle of chaos is at Grandma's house, so um, well...I want to try convincing him on my own two knees right now . But damn, don't you look absolutely scrumptious over there in your sweet and innocent outfit!

Ok, I have "things" to do. oh yay!!!

[Dorkalicious]

To Dorkalicious- If I share, you'll be at the top of the list. My tessa thinks you're "really cute"...her words. I saw your picture and have to agree.

Haha, for a second there I thought I was too young or somethin for your kind of fun xD, hahaha -- Or perhaps that I can't belly dance >.> Hehehe

I'm so happy she thinks I'm cute! *blush*

~runs into the room, looking at all the nice things being said~

D-licious!!! Yum!!! Share time with you would be sweet! Just like you. Seriously, though, I want to borrow that red shirt you are wearing in that pic of yours. But have it on so I can unlace it. Please?? ~yums up that image~

Hehehehe......awwwwwwwwww...This thread is to compliment you darling! *huggles*

And as for that red shirt? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'd love to share it with ya! *likes the sound of that, hehehe*

[tessa]

D-lish, you, me, that shirt...sharing all over the place! Where did you get it?? I think the reason I love it so much is 'cause of what's in it (that'd be you), but still, that shirt is freakin' awesome!

Ok, I know that there is a "Today I learned" thread over there ~points~, but I'm putting mine for today here.

Today I learned that making my Master proud causes incredibly good things to happen. I mean incredible!

~sighs happily~

[Ronn]

Am so happy for you dear as things progress in the direction you desire for both yourself and your husband. Continued happiness in your journey for you both

[tessa]

~hugs ronn silly~

Thanks, sweetie!

tessa

[gagged_Louise]

*hugs Tessa tight, thinking of what a good day's work she's doing of being perverted*

[caligirl{Rob}]

big hugs tessa, i have so enjoyed reading your journey *big smiles* as i try to move forward on my own, i've appreciated beyond words your honesty and humor, more big hugs!
cali

[tessa]

Aww! Thanks caligirl, what a sweet thing to say! May your journey be as beautiful as you ever dreamed. ~hugs~

~hugs Louise real tight in hopes of dragging her into the perverted corner~

[caligirl{Rob}]

i only wish i had your bravery tessa, smiles! with more hugs!

cali

ps: ronn is right that you are a special person

[tessa]

i only wish i had your bravery tessa, smiles! with more hugs!

cali

ps: ronn is right that you are a special person

~looks around and around, trying to spot the brave one cali mentioned~

I'm not brave, not even a thimble full of it. But you are such a darling to think so! ~hugs you up~

pss. ronn is just adorable, isn't he? Always bringing a smile with him wherever he goes.

[orchid]

great post tessa
i can relate to your comment about the day to day mentality of it
as i have said before, my Husband waivers in this lifestyle, which makes his Dom days few and far between. i am still the same...at least i think i am...maybe i better think about that again...i think that i treat Him consistently regardless if he is in Dom-mode or not but its not easy.