Hi USA-

I think Wings and Fae and Tom are right- it is just exactly what you and your Sir decide it all is.

But I did want to comment on the slave/ submissive debate...

It's funny, b/c before I ever knew there was a BDSM community, I always dreamed of being somebody's slave (man or woman)- always using that word to myself.

Then, I discovered all this online stuff (around ..22 or so), and got the impression "slave" was a 4-letter-word, so I switched to "submissive", though I never really liked it. But I had understood from many people a slave has no rights, etc... and is the other things you described... which seems to mean that they will allow themselves to be abused.

But I think that's where there's a misconception. A slave does not have to have an abusive Master (or Mistress).

So now, recently, I've met a man who shares all the original thoughts and feelings I had discovered in myself at a very young age, but had to stuff away because I thought it was impossible to be someone's slave.

So I just wanted to share with you my Master's, my sister's, and my view of being a slave-
no, technically we do not have any "rights"- we have given them to Him (and honestly I am still learning, it's a process, though it feels good, it doesn't always come easily, having had to learn survival skills in this world).

But He does not, and I believe will never, abuse that gift. People debate about service being a need or a gift... bla bla, well, yes it's a need I have, but it's still a gift because I will not be just anybody's slave. And it is a gift for Him to be my Master too, of course.


"It seems to me that slaves give up much of their individuality, and their independent thought; that their entire worth is dependent on their Dom(me)."

I have struggled with this concept myself, but so far ( in the very short time it's been), Master didn't just pick anyone to be his inanimate collared property... no, He picked me because He likes my personality and individuality...
Though, if you mean, lose your individuality as in being a separate unit- that's true, but that's so in a marriage... and I don't want to be separate from Him... but it doesn't mean He doesn't hear and encourage and appreciate my own opinions on things, for me to critically think and give input on situations...

About my worth being dependent on Him... well, after 31 years, if I finally found someone to make me feel incredibly valuable, so be it. Even if it's not exactly acceptable in our society, the truth is I wasn't getting it on my own, no matter what I tried.

"I have been told that a slave is very restricted in what they do/say. Things like using the bathroom, etc, have to be requested."

This is totally up to the individual Master/ Mistress. And it could be so with a Dom/ sub as well. But, no in my case, generally, joie and I speak freely- as I said, Master welcomes our opinions anyway. But we just must be respectful- as in I couldn't/ wouldn't sit there and argue and raise my voice (again, a learning process for me now... lol.. yes, mari, mari is quite contrary at times lol), etc...

Sometimes, I think, even if I were a vanilla girl, I would wholeheartedly want to be this man's slave, just to be with Him, because He is so wonderful.

Anyway, I'm sure I rambled as well- it's 4:00 in the morning, and I'm woken up by a roommate clanking around dishes...

But, I just wanted to give my view on it that I don't believe slaves, being property without rights, are or should be treated as inanimate, abused, or lacking individuality. I think that's the Master or Mistress's problem, then, and I wouldn't consider them true Masters or Mistresses if they don't know how to treat a person who is willing to do whatever they wanted and give up their whole lives to them.

I am just so tearfully lucky that I met the man I did. He really is a master, my Master... and I couldn't imagine giving any less to Him. And I wouldn't want Him to want any less than everything I could possibly give Him...

Wow... i hope this makes some kind of sense.. .lol.

I may have gone off on a tangent, I apologize.. but I had been thinking recently about this slave/ sub debate and wanted to ask some questions, post some two cents.

Either way, USA, good luck with your collaring (as Wings said, that's just like getting married, it's still the same relationship, hopefully with a foundation to keep growing stronger) and your relationship! Congrats as well!