As to the first question...

i'm still back to the point that it doesn't matter what the person is called in the relationship. It is all just a matter of "titles" and semantics. The collar is how you feel about it, period. If you think yourself slave (or have the personality) then no matter what "description" you use you will still function/crave/desire as a slave even if called a sub and vise versa. To be happy call yourself what ever makes you feel better... as long as the way the relationship is established makes you happy.

The understanding that slaves have no opinions, rights, etc. actually annoys me greatly. Personally, i swear that concept came about by some wannabe Dom's who wanted to abuse and control people but wanted an excuse to make the behavior acceptable. (Which really pisses me off... lol.) i know of maybe 1% of relationships that function that way, where both are happy in that type of relationship. Most Doms, that are true and real, WANT the input and require it for open communication, although it is understood that even with the input the final choice, without question, lies with the Dom.

To the second question, as to personal opinion...

i have been collared twice, both times as a slave. Which many here would argue wasn't possible since we never lived together. But, for us and the control they had over me it was as close to living together as possible. (Back to the "semantics" thing again.) Both times to wonderful Doms and yet both times meant different things and i grew in a different fashion from each. Neither were better or worse then the other... as one of the Dom's would have put it... "it was what it was."

The first time i was new to D/s although we have been together for almost a year before i was actually given his collar. Based on circumstances it was a very simple one and one that i could remove if need be. The reason for giving it was simple... i NEEDED to feel more owned to be happy and the collar provided that. It gave me a constant reminder/connection that i needed to grow further and trust further in the relationship due to past experiences. That relationship lasted about 3 or so years. We parted as friends.

Did the first relationship change after i was collared... the rules didn't change, the expectations didn't change but i did change. It solidified what i was and helped me to accept that better and stop struggling against him/me and allowed me to sink further into my submission and the pleasure i received from it.

The second collar was not something i went seeking it just came about naturally. As i believe all collars should. It did change our relationship... but ONLY because until the collar was in place there were certain limits that were placed on the relationship by the Dom for my protection. Those limits changed once the collar was in place and i was able to start serving him more completely. It again was a wonderful experience and one i truly miss. The level of submission was much deeper starting out then with the first relationship due to several factors... the Dom, my growth since the first collar, the level that we both expected/wanted to experience, etc. i came out of that relationship though as a much more sensuous person, a feeling of greater self worth, and a better understanding of what true submission for me is.

Each time my emotions grew deeper, once collared, because of the "security" factor. i was able to completely give without fear of being tossed aside because i knew that the step meant a lot to both of them as well. If anything, both times, it increased my own perceived self worth because i was no longer a "disposable" toy. And, both wanted my input and reasoning, i by no means lost me by being collared, that would have been determental to me and to the relationship, which both Doms recognized. If anything i found more of me because they allowed me the opportunity to say "no" to others without quilt and they ensured that i had the time for me that i was less likely to take, etc. They required that i maintain healthy boundaries which prevented me from getting as lost in taking care of others.

Did they refer to me as their toy and as property? Yes. Did that bother me? Initially with the first one, yes, but that was due more to my own struggle between what i wanted and what i felt was "acceptable" in society. When i finally accepted it as basically a term of endearment it became a sense of pride. Luckily the second Dom didn't have to deal with that portion... lol.

So... much longer post then i intended but that is how i felt/feel about it. Better ID??? *grinz*