Quote Originally Posted by chksng19
Personally, I think a Dom who subbed some time before would be better able to deal with the bad things that come up. Knowledge of "when he did this, I did that" would assist in understanding how the sub might respond, how to prevent negative reactions, and how to work towards appropriate ones.

Being able to get into their sub's head is essential in a good D/s relationship. It seems to me that those who just demand a knee-jerk reaction, rather than a constructive response are the relationships which don't last.

As with any other good interpersonal relationship, it must be worked at constantly to be effective.
You and I are on the same page on this one. GMTA Probably the main reason is that its my experience. And it works really well for me .

For me, my days on the bottom were some of the best preparation for topping I could have. As one who attends many public and private events and teaches a class or two one of the questions that invariably comes up from those without submissive experience is "how did you read (understand) the reaction of the sub". The short answer is I've been there. While I can talk about physical signs and their meanings I haven't found a way to really teach this. This understanding is what allows me to to be able to work heavy percussive scenes and edge play. It also helps keep the scene between the ditches and out of trouble.

As you point out "Being able to get into their sub's head is essential in a good D/s relationship. " For this is the essence. My bottoming experience also comes in useful with after care, as, generally, I have some appreciation for what the sub is feeling. And it helps in relationships where the conflict between goals, limits, consequences and SSC arise. It helps to steer the the general direction of the BDSM aspects of the relationship away from problem areas and dead ends and to the more fruitful ones.

I have to agree it can add alot to the subs trust when they know that you have gone there yourself.

Quote Originally Posted by mastercoyote
Snip... It's no coincidence that I've only subbed under those who have also had sub experience. I'm just more comfortable listening to the voice of experience Snip...

I'm thinking about finding a mentor to help me be a better Dom Snip...
Its not for me either. Mentors are a great idea. I hope you can persue it.

Does that mean that Doms/Dommes without the experience of submission are bad or unsafe. NO. I have met some very good, proficient, loving and safe ones in my travels. One thing these have in common is that, somewhere, somehow, they have learned some of this without heaving the experience of submission. I feel, though, that they have to work much harder to learn these things.