First off...thank you so much annie for posting...your views are very much in line with mine, I just haven't been able to put them into words until now. Thank you soooo much!

Quote Originally Posted by just_annie
The understanding that slaves have no opinions, rights, etc. actually annoys me greatly. Personally, i swear that concept came about by some wannabe Dom's who wanted to abuse and control people but wanted an excuse to make the behavior acceptable. (Which really pisses me off... lol.) i know of maybe 1% of relationships that function that way, where both are happy in that type of relationship. Most Doms, that are true and real, WANT the input and require it for open communication, although it is understood that even with the input the final choice, without question, lies with the Dom.
And just to clarify, my intention was not to annoy/offend anyone by saying that bit about slaves not having rights, etc, just to offer a perception that I've gathered since I began exploring this lifestyle. I agree that in my experience talking with Dom's that they do want the input and open lines of communication, which negates the above statement.

Quote Originally Posted by just_annie
The reason for giving it was simple... i NEEDED to feel more owned to be happy and the collar provided that. It gave me a constant reminder/connection that i needed to grow further and trust further in the relationship due to past experiences.........It solidified what i was and helped me to accept that better and stop struggling against him/me and allowed me to sink further into my submission and the pleasure i received from it.

The second collar was not something i went seeking it just came about naturally. As i believe all collars should. It did change our relationship... but ONLY because until the collar was in place there were certain limits that were placed on the relationship by the Dom for my protection. Those limits changed once the collar was in place and i was able to start serving him more completely. It again was a wonderful experience and one i truly miss. The level of submission was much deeper starting out then with the first relationship due to several factors... the Dom, my growth since the first collar, the level that we both expected/wanted to experience, etc. i came out of that relationship though as a much more sensuous person, a feeling of greater self worth, and a better understanding of what true submission for me is.

Each time my emotions grew deeper, once collared, because of the "security" factor. i was able to completely give without fear of being tossed aside because i knew that the step meant a lot to both of them as well. If anything, both times, it increased my own perceived self worth because i was no longer a "disposable" toy. And, both wanted my input and reasoning, i by no means lost me by being collared, that would have been determental to me and to the relationship, which both Doms recognized. If anything i found more of me because they allowed me the opportunity to say "no" to others without quilt and they ensured that i had the time for me that i was less likely to take, etc. They required that i maintain healthy boundaries which prevented me from getting as lost in taking care of others.

Did they refer to me as their toy and as property? Yes. Did that bother me? Initially with the first one, yes, but that was due more to my own struggle between what i wanted and what i felt was "acceptable" in society. When i finally accepted it as basically a term of endearment it became a sense of pride. Luckily the second Dom didn't have to deal with that portion... lol.
EXACTLY!!! Lemme see if I can stumble through this and explain how I responded to this...
I feel that a collar should be earned...not by performing a certain task or proving submission...but through communication between the Dom and the sub and by the sub's attitude and willingness to submit, and that willingness being obvious. I look forward very much to earning my collar, and the comfort that it will bring knowing that I'm worth it or worthy of it in His eyes. I'm learning to adjust my views on many things, and it's becoming easier for me to dismiss the negative views others may have of me because if my Dom is content with me, and/or proud of me, no one else's opinion matters. Therefore, earning my collar will be a huge source of pride for me, because it's an outward expression of my worth.

annie would you be willing to explain what limitatios you were speaking of when you said that until your collar were in place there were limitations set by your Dom for your protection? I'm trying to wrap my head around this concept, and some examples from you would greately help if you were willing to share them...

It amazes me that you mention the "toy" concept. I have personal experience with that as well. One non bdsm relationship I was in ended abruptly when I began to feel and realize that a toy was all I really was to him. I believe that experience is the reason being referred to as a toy will always raise the hairs on the back of my neck and invoke a negative feeling with me. But, never say never, as I refuse to let past experiences influence a new relationship, as the new person wasn't the one that made me feel that way, and shouldn't be "punished" so to speak, for something he didn't do.

As far as property goes....well....the feelings I associate with that are very difficult for me to pin down to put into words. For some reason I associate being referred to as property to lessening my worth as a submissive. Why? Well, to me it makes me feel less special. He makes me feel very special, and referring to me as property somehow diminishes that. Property/Toys to me are mass produced, replaceable, etc. I don't feel that I'm that way...kinda goes back to wanting that feeling of being one of a kind, and special to him because I'm one of a kind...But please don't think I'm criticizing anyone else for enjoying/liking being referred to that way, as I'm definitely one of the "to each their own" school of thought people. What makes the individual couple happy is all that truly matters, I'm just putting my thoughts into words.

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now, I think I've definitely exceeded my "thoughts for the day" allowance. LOL...