How to bring a new gf without experience into bdsm??

[Ruby]

[QUOTE= Any suggestions what to do??[/QUOTE]

Ask her about her fantasies. Really take the time to listen.
What gets her off and excited?
What, if anything, about her answers excites you?
How compatable are you?

Curtis had a very valid point -- "I see no indication that the girlfriend in question is submissive in nature. Several people have made suggestions for how to handle it if she's uninterested, but what if she's dominantly inclined?"

Remember: just because you're into bondage doesn't mean she is
or wants to be. It can be a very scary thing, even in play. Trust is critical.

There is plenty of great advice posted in the previous answers,
please re-read them and think about what you both want
out of your relationship. If you don't know what she wants then ask her.

If you do slip in a move like holding her hands over her head or asking
her to pretend being tied, etc, ask her "Is this okay?" "Like this, baby?"
Whatever words you grunt, but for heavens sakes, give her the chance
to say "keep going or stop". You will score big points in the trust department and keep the door open for further "discussion / re-enactments" at a later time.

If she says, "no", she might mean, modify your grip. Not everyone can
speak in sentences in the heat of the moment and the tone of the no
will give you a clue, but not enough. The "how about this?" question should follow a no, or "no what?" It might be a mood killer, but it could be a relationship saver.

Getting off my soapbox, Ruby

[azraelle]

...and it seems to me that a major point has been missed. I see no indication that the girlfriend in question is submissive in nature...

Thank You! As a guy who is (or would be if...) submissive, it is a constant wonder to me why guys that fancy themselves as "dominant" seem to feel that any girl they are interested in couldn't possibly be dominant as well. It goes way beyond simple wishful thinking on their part. Almost like they are (secretly) insecure in their masculinity?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

It goes way beyond simple wishful thinking on their part. Almost like they are (secretly) insecure in their masculinity?

Yeah. There's that.

And then there's the fact that about 75% of females involved in BDSM are submissive. Besides, he mentioned in his post that they had talked about tying her up or holding her down. If she had wanted to interject a preference to be dominant, I'm sure she could have mentioned it when they discussed it.

Of course, that part of the discussion might not have made it to this forum. Who knows?

As a guy who is dominant, it is a constant wonder to me that guys that think of themselves as "submissives" tend to want the girls they meet to be dominant. Perhaps it's wishful thinking that they will eventually run into the one-in-four that actually is.

P.S. There's a thread for new members to introduce themselves in General Talk. Perhaps you'd like to have a look at it and post one of your own?

[azraelle]

As a guy who is dominant, it is a constant wonder to me that guys that think of themselves as "submissives" tend to want the girls they meet to be dominant. Perhaps it's wishful thinking that they will eventually run into the one-in-four that actually is.

Touche'!
As for:

P.S. There's a thread for new members to introduce themselves in General Talk. Perhaps you'd like to have a look at it and post one of your own?

Let me get a "feel" for this first, sorry, a bit shy--maybe I'm not so secure in my gender either?

[csr]

Thank You! As a guy who is (or would be if...) submissive, it is a constant wonder to me why guys that fancy themselves as "dominant" seem to feel that any girl they are interested in couldn't possibly be dominant as well. It goes way beyond simple wishful thinking on their part. Almost like they are (secretly) insecure in their masculinity?

I was kind of thinking that too...and like Curtis, I re-read the thread 3 times to make sure I wasn't missing anything. I'm sure you were joking about the "insecure in their masculinity" bit though. Not a quip I would make around here since it is for the most part a M/Dom/f/sub club and Tourguide's less-than-charming answer is probably the least of what you could expect if you touch a nerve.

There's a thread around here about Dom's hitting on Dommes and why it happens so much. I think your point is along similar lines to that phenomenon. I was at a munch recently where a M/Dom we had met was flirting with my mistress in a dominant fashion. She was polite, but as intelligent as he was, he just didn't get that she wasn't going to flirt back--even though he defninitely knew her role. We both thought that was weird.

And then there's the fact that about 75% of females involved in BDSM are submissive.

I'm sure that's true... but at this point she's not "involved in BDSM" and maybe, just maybe she's like the clear majority of human beings and not turned on by either role.

Besides, he mentioned in his post that they had talked about tying her up or holding her down.

Not really. He said: " I tried holding her hands tight above her head, a bit dominantly and she didn't seem to mind." Hell, I do that to my 100% Domme gf in the course of vanilla sex. She likes it, but it would be a cold day in hell before she'd let me put handcuffs on her.

Actually, I introduced her to BDSM. When we met, and had dated for a while I brought up the subject. She was interested and wanted to try. Her first experiment was as a f/sub... I tied her, just how I would have wanted on my first time. Turns out, she didn't like the feeling at all--and soon discovered she liked the control. That was good for me, of course cause I really don't think I'm a switch at all.

So what I'm really trying to say is: although this thread is filled with good advice, Mnemonic is hoping that a vanilla girl will try bdsm and like it. Regardless of who tops whom, if she thinks it is "scary and weird" as he said, then it's not likely that it is a latent, undiscovered turn-on for her.