First off tessa, I liked the story, the flow was good with a couple of exceptions and everything was believable. Good job. Now for the nit picks, as I am trying to learn to do this to my stories.

Smiling, I thought to myself that she could move pretty fast. But I moved faster.
This does not work. The why is a bit difficult for me to pin down, but one problem is pretty fast. Fast is more than adequate for this.
I also do not like where it said I thought to myself. This is a first peson POV so we klnow what he is thinking, why is he describing the process of thinking?
I would try something like: I smiled. She moved fast, but I mover faster. Keep the action flowing.

I wrapped my legs around her kicking ones and spread them wide.
Another sentence that broke the flow for me. I cannot picture this. He is on top of her, pinning her down, and somehow manages to wrap his legs around hers, and yet force hers apart. I would describe him as either straddling her, or pushing one or bothe kness between her legs to force them apart. Cosidering that he later flips her i would go for the straddling.

She laughed. It was one of those almost hysterical laughs, but with an edge of darkness to it that fueled me.
This is good, but too many words. She laughed. It was almost hysterical, but with an edge of darkness to it that fueled me. I like this better.



My legs stayed wrapped around hers and one hand stayed on the back of her neck.
Goes back to the original issue about position, but still nags at me.

Oh how delicious a thought that was, thinking of those ribbons of red against that pale flesh.
It is a nice thought, but it is also an incomplete one in that it is an incomplete sentence.



And again, that laugh...
Drop the and here.