Jenny and yellowrose are screaming bloody murder on the foredeck. I'd better go see what's going on.

Pirates? Come on! In the 21st Century?

"Nick? Hand me the binoculars, please. Hmm. Look at that! A skull and crossbones! Turn on the radar, let's get a look. Whose waters are we in?"

He checked the autochart, and the GPS unit. "We're in open waters, Skipper. No nation close."

"OK, then. Our course of action is clear. Head downstairs, portside of the starboard diesel. Locker 23. One launcher, 6 refills should be enough. Quickly now!" Nick flew down the stairs to get what I requested.

I picked up the bullhorn and hung the binoculars around my neck. Moving up to the foredeck, I noticed that my other two lovely ladies had joined us. They were all dressed, finally. I checked the approaching craft, and she was still flying the Skull and Bones. Maybe it's a prop for a Disney movie.

"Ahoy pirate ship! Swing wide to starboard or be fired upon." All four ladies turned to look at me, shocked. yellowrose was still waving around that silly sword, never mind that it was made of aluminum and had no sharp edge. Nick ran up to me with a fancy case, and 6 cylinders; I told him to radio the nearest coast guard, and report our situation. I also told him to fire up the diesels, dowse all sail, and raise to flank speed.

Using the horn, I again called and warned the other craft off. She didn't shift course, so I put down the bullhorn and bent to open the case Nick had brought up from the engine room.

Jenny was watching me closely. "How the heck did you get Stingers?" she asked. "Those are US military only!"

"Well, Jenny, you know something? Other countries can buy those too. And some of them are less than cautious about controlling their inventories. If I'm going outside American waters, I WILL protect my crew and properties."

All right, one across the bow as a warning. Let's see, just forward of the cabin...

The Stinger missle flew straight and true, the missle exhaust actually splashing on the wheelhouse. She appeared to veer for a second or two to starboard, but then returned to her initial course which would intercept ours.

OK, then. One more try. "Ahoy the pirate. Second and final warning. You have five seconds to alter course to starboard, or I will fire for effect."

I gave them 10 seconds, then 15. No change in course. I saw two or three men crouching along the portside rail, with what looked like Uzi's. Well, they've been warned.

Refilling the launcher, I fired at the wheelhouse. The direct hit blasted the cabin open, shattered the windows, and started a fire inside. Another refill, this time at the waterline. On target, and she slowed measurably. Next shot, waterline aft, just below the crewmen at the rail. Two of the three men got tossed overboard, the third stood up and aimed his Uzi at my ladies. Suddenly he dropped as his head exploded. I spun and saw what I thought I would; Nick had his scoped rifle out and had dropped the man threatening us.

With one more refill, for safety sake, I had Nick swing along side the craft, which was now aflame bow to stern. I glanced at the cabin, checking for signs of life. No movement, no sounds but the fire. Using a grapple rope, I tugged her alongside a second and jumped aboard as Nick held her in place. I grabbed the Uzi's as evidence, and searched the bodies for ID's: nothing.
Hopping back aboard the Sailing Master, I told Nick to get us away. Hmm; no name, no home port, no identifying numbers.

With Nick putting us back on course, I motivated the 4 crying ladies downstairs, ordering them to the salon. I grabbed the radio, and called the closest Coast Guard, then the US Coast Guard to report what had happened. A dull boom from behind me made me turn, and I saw a fireball head skyward from the burning wreck. I directed Nick to make for the nearest land, and went belowdecks.

I was greeted by 4 hysterical ladies. They had been in shock, it seemed, right after the event. Now that they'd had time to think a little, each went off the deep end. I had to calm them down. I ordered them to their cabins, and put each in strict bondage. Helmet, gag, cuffs, legs, knees, elbows. Laid them on their beds, and told them to take a nap.

With the problem on hold, I stepped up on deck, and prepared to meet with the Coast Guard craft which was pulling along side. The slightly illegal Stingers were already stowed in their locked cabinets. Another Guard craft was approaching the wreck. Damn, a day lost.