tessa's assignment- finally

[Mad Lews]

tessa dear,
A very nice job, you capture the excitement urgency and desire of the exchange. Still if you hope to avoid further spankings you'll need to make it purrfect

Smiling, I thought to myself that she could move pretty fast.

could easily become 'She was fast but I was quicker.' says it all with an economy of words and willful arrogance that is very male.

Falling on top of her,

Falling is a little passive, pouncing is more active

I wrapped my legs around her kicking ones and spread them wide.

Yeah this one’s been covered but it is important to your male readers. it really gets down to a nitty-gritty difference in both anatomy and perspective. Males engaged in faux rape with a resistant partner need to get in there but this is invariably accomplished by wedging a knee between the victims legs and prying them open.wrapping ones legs around another's would make leverage and thrusting problematic at best. Men much prefer to be between your legs dear, not wrapped around them.

My legs stayed wrapped around hers and one hand stayed on the back of her neck.

My legs forced her knees open while I forced her head down with….

Try to show a bit of dommish indifference; he’s taking what he wants. You need to find that thin line that wavers between caring and brutal indifference.

The lace fabric was no match for the razor-like sharpness of the blade.

A razor sharp blade would do.

Except for my cock, nothing in there could have looked any better.

A little awkward say it directly; with economy and urgency.

“Head down, ass up. We need to, well, discuss this matter further.” I felt the excitement exude from her.

Replacing ‘well’ with an appropriate expletive or dropping it all together would be more powerful.

Excitement might radiate rather than exude but that’s a personal preference.

Overall an ambitious attempt which really does demonstrate some of the problems of writing from the other genders perspective. I’m not trying to be harsh, I think you’re over half way there, and on your way to a brilliant piece.
I think you have an easier time with our (masculine) mindset than with the actual physical consequences of a male perspective. There is an ancient maxim in the biological sciences. Form determines function. It is all well and good to be emotionally empathetic. A good writer needs that. But it’s also true that you need to realize how very basic physical differences affect some of the subtler mental and emotional ones. The poker is going to view teasing, sex, and power exchange in a totally different way than the pokee .
I hope that wasn’t too discouraging, it's not meant to be.

Mad

Rhabbi,

Damn you’re getting good at picking out the soft spots. Of course if you don’t get that assignment of yours in soon tessa’s going to be up at level 4 just waiting to return the favor.

Lews