To me, any attempts to explain what gender is and how/why 'we" act the way we do seems rather shallow.

Gender is what YOU think you are, not what someone else tells you (which of course means there are more then 2 genders...). Or, to put it another way, gender is just an illusion (Butler is a good author if you are interested in the concept of gender).

Humyns (and yes that is how i spell it) act the way they do because their reality (as an individual) has been coerced and shaped by society- especially through language- to beleive certain concepts. M. Foucault blames knoweldge (the attempt to understand which leads to stereotypes) for our need to assocaite ourselves within a specific group, and to otherize what we dont understand.

I dont really tend to think of the submissive as being completely submissive- (in this case, she) it requires an overt act or decision to engage in a submissive activity, jsut as submitting to someone is to a degree a control over the dom(me)...Sure, the dom(me) may be controlling what/how a scene progresses, but ultimetly the sub is the one that agrees to the scene, feels the pain/pleasure (not counting what they do to or for the dom(me)), and can stop the scene with a word. They have more power then they think!