How did you find out about BDSM?

[Aletta]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Like Valerio, I finally found out what it was called, but had been doing it before that. I recall, as a fairly young child, maybe a 4th grader or so, perusing my grandfather's stash of Variations and Playboys. I would masturbate to the stories and the photos and always wished I could have pictures of men, too. Alas, my grandmother didn't have a complementary stash. By 7 or 8th grade, (what's that? 12-13 years?) I found myself using my belts to constrict my waist, chest and hips and tying myself to the bedposts and masturbating. I was not surprised, but very interested when I learned that there was a name for it and that others enjoyed it even more than I.

What was its appeal to you?
I like the feeling of being controlled and being in a position where I am not my own person. I am the type that needs to feel utter trust with the other person and I have that in Valerio. We suit each other quite well and I am not sure if BDSM would appeal to me in another relationship. On the other hand, maybe I would get into deeper if his desire was stronger.....I'm pretty laid back and would go along with it, at least for a trial. Its appeal is definitely in getting and giving love and in the exhange of power that is different from our nonsexual lives.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I had no misconceptions except I didn't realize how bad some stuff actually hurt and how high a pain tolerance some people have. One time Aletta and I were in a club and watched a girl get spanked silly. It was strange to imagine how much that actually hurt and it really put it in perspective for me.

That is exactly what I would have said....so a quote will do. I didn't realize others enjoyed so much more pain than do I.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
I like sharing my thoughts on BDSM with others in very select situations. I would hope that I could convey that 'normal' people participate, that it's perfectly okay to enjoy it and that it's not like what people hear about on television...at least not always.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
My overall personality is pretty submissive in my whole life...but sexually, we get into play only at times. I am, in all aspects of our sex life, pretty submissive though and nearly all of trysts include some mild form of him holding my hands down or playing that I don't want to have sex, for example. On the other hand, I have fits of wanting to control him, as well. That's rare and gentle, though.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Submissive....I really enjoy being controlled and being told what to do. It's nice to make no decisions and just enjoy life with no responsibilities.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I love the look he gets in his eyes when he is mean to me...the sheer enjoyment I can see in him and the way I still see the love. I love how considerate he is, despite the pain. I can't even explain it all....we're just a perfect fit.