Very nice, Muse, as always you impress me.

My foremost suggestion is that you dwell a bit more on each situation; particularly in chapter 1, the story feels rushed, which leaves a sense of confusion (why doesn't Nani fear her? what is this world like? where has Tali been? where is their family? how do they fit in the political games they're playing? how exactly do tali and her brother feel about one another? why is the brother immune?)

Do post more -- I look forward to reading it!