The Break-in

[isabeau6]

Thank you for sharing your work!

The main thing I'd suggest is a reworking of the introduction to show the situation with actions and details rather than outlining it with facts. It'll draw the reader in and start building your story early.

hey thank you ElectricBadger for taking the time to read and comment..hm good idea, if i can get over this block...my problem is i'm so afraid of getting repetitious...i'm not sure i can write very well..i tend to write my fantasies and in the process put myself within the story and i suppose that's what happens during the intro....thank you....i really appreciate it...