Passing the Flame...

[Rhabbi]

DarkSister,

I like the story, and the way you build the suspense. the use of scenery and description is excellant, took me right into the coach. So much so that I had to step back when I realized the narrator was a female. Great job.

One nit pick: The first two paragraphs are one long sentence. I realize we are gettin into her head, but I think it needs some work. Try to set off the outside descriptions from the inside commmentary.

[Guest91408]

Darling, I want more of this posted soon.

XxX

[DarkSister]

Thanks for the feedback guys, and you make some interesting and valid points which i appreciate... but more than that i'm glad your enjoying it

Dark x

Darling, I want more of this posted soon.

XxX

i shall post more as soon as i can lover... though you are keeping me a little busy this weekend

xXx