Quote Originally Posted by ProjectEuropa
However I find very little graphic sex that does that too me. I've analysed this ad infinitum and I think the problem is, that most writers and artists of erotica tend to illustrate graphic sex rather than live it and so the graphic sex appears detached. Observing sex in an objective manner reduces it to a very silly jig. If the author/artist is radiating their own desires, that tends to permeate through to me.

Maybe I'm just talking a lot of bullshit but I'm trying.
As a writer, I've found that my stuff has tended to get more internalized and subjective as time goes by, and I've come to believe that the sexiest stuff always happens inside people's heads. I think that when we read objectified, detatched BDSM -- the kind of stuff where the author just gives you an objective description of what was done -- we miss out on seeing the character's feelings and reactions and thereby miss out on some of the juiciest stuff.

Part of the problem is that, to a lot of writers, the sub's feelings aren't of any interest. They tend to objectify her and use her as a sexual toy, so the characters come across as flat and basically pretty dull. The whle experience feels remote and unreal. You can still get good porn that way, but the reader has to use their imagination to supply the missing thoughts and feelings, doing the job the author should have done.

Anyone who's fooled around with BDSM knows something of the incredible intensity of feeling that goes on, and it just seems like such a waste to ignore it. Like I said, that's some of the sexiest stuff.

---dr.M.