Hi, Ayla. We havn't met, but welcome back.
I think we probably all go through times when we think there must be something 'wrong' with us, because of what we want and what turns us on. I still have fantasies that I shy away from, can't actually admit to myself; I see what's about to happen, and just switch it off. But I reckon I'm just human... none of us can control our brains or the urges that they give us. We can, though, control what we do with or about those urges, so as long as we aren't putting those 'bad' fantasies into action, we are still fine people.
Be glad to be you.