Our lifestyle would seem like abuse at its softest actions to most of the vanilla world. Just reading about this in "The Loving Dominant" and agree with the author that a true Dominant as apposed to an abuser is the way he deals with the sub. Does he want the best for her, to help her grow in the directions she wants or is he just there for his pleasure. Bet you can guess which is the abuser.

Her pleasure and enjoyment are the most important to me and her well being is duty