This is a tricky thing. I agree that the intention of the Dom is key, and that the way the sub feels on the receiving end is important too ~ but there are times when something feels almost like abuse, but you go through it and realize it was punishment. Sometimes as a newbie you almost think it's all borderline abuse, except that for some reason you enjoy it...as long as it's on your terms, but the problem lies that - it's not on the subs terms all the time is it? It's on the Dom's terms too. So the line becomes blurred, which is why I think people here keep stressing communication.

If you get your ass spanked more than you thought, or liked, sometimes you have to accept that maybe on some level, you deserved it for being a bit extreme in your own behaviour. (from a sub's point of view here) You get up, with some tears and are held by your Dom, but your defiant streak/ ego is learning where to/not to go. That's teaching, but to outsiders, it could be termed abuse right?