Quote Originally Posted by Satan_Klaus View Post
Even though it's more extreme than my usual tastes, I liked this story in all its dark, twisted glory.
I do tend towards dark shit. Believe it or not, I've a fantasy comedy working its way through my head.

To the nits:

I liked the introduction but this sentence seemed to break the flow too early in the story. I don't know exactly how it should be improved but it feels somewhat awkward.

"Of course. I've a friend who…he is the...um...director of a facility that creates these masterpieces,”
Not only is it awkward, it doesn't fit with Francis' manner at all. I definately have to fix this.

second:
A tall woman of an older generation stood over what appeared to be a marble statue depicting a nymph pleasuring two satyrs. Smiling she bent down and peered into the nymph's closed eyes and whispered something.
I struggled with this little bit, trying to get the structure and description right. Being the first draft I decided to leave it and return later.

And last one that I found:
"She has relative freedom until lock into her place,"

Something is definitely wrong here...
This made me chuckle. I wrote that sentence with a typo and then corrected it immediately. After correcting it I noticed that my correction was screwed up. I corrected that mistake too...corrected it to this mistake. This part of my story must be haunted.


All in all a good story with high literary value and questionable content, like I expected from you.

Satan_Klaus
Questionable content? Hmmm...I think I like that.

Well, Satan Klaus, I appreciate you going over the first chapter of my new story...or maybe this new chapter to an old story. I haven't decided which. You know how it is.

Now, where are all the other kids in here?