Quote Originally Posted by Alex Bragi View Post
It’s a good little story, isabeau. A nice mixture of dialog and description that was an easy read. I think, however, you let it down a little with too many “was”s in the first paragraph. “Was" is a passive word—avoid it when ever you can, especially in the in those first few sentences that will have a reader either wanting more, or back clicking.

I wish you well with your future writing.
thank you for your constructive criticism...that's exactly the type of thing i need..ah i'll have to read that again.. thank you for pointing that out to me..