First of all, my deepest condolences. I wish I had something uplifting and inspirational to say, but I don't; if you want to ever vent or something, I'll be here.

About you're eye contact thing, perhaps more details on your side. What makes you not want to look at yourself in the mirror or at your master's eyes? Is it because you feel intimidated, or do you feel as if you aren't special enough to look at someone eye to eye, or something else entirely?
I know you asked us this question, and I just threw it back at you, I'm just curious in what your mind's first reaction to this situation is.