hey sipgirl...

firstly, i am sorry about your terrible loss and i am pleased that you are finally able to get back into your life and pursue your interests with your hubby, its nice to see people living again despite such a terrible tragedy... kudos to both of you!!!

about the eye contact thing... its not you or your body that you are reluctant to face... its probably your masochism or submissiveness that is hard to look straight in the eye...especially cuz its not how you identify with yourself generally, (u mentioned that you have a dommish disposition outside of play) u say that you only have trouble with eye contact or the mirror when you are role playing... making eye contact with him as well as looking in the mirror will help you embrace it... the more u look the more comfortable you will become (assuming that u dont have other unresolved issues about D/s) of course i could be totally wrong, but i know i get weirded out by looking at myself in play, i am new and have zero submissiveness outside of play and you are sort of new in the sense that youve been gone for a while... make any sense? if not, its cuz its the middle of the night... lol

good luck... welcome... hugs... looking forward to seeing you in chat, now that its back up YAAAAAAAAYYYY... THANK U STAFF!!