I thought I would share my relationship scenario, albeit I am unsure if it is the same as yours is.
We share the same situation, but only on a different level.

In my opinion we live a D/s relationship, but without any kinky play.

I would like to bring out more of his controlling Dom side, but he is hesitant to do so.
It is there but it needs to be brought out slowly.

I know that he has a tendency to be more assertive, in control, but yet our communication inhibits all things that I want, in order to move forward.

Communication is a completely separate and difficult thing for us to work on. We want to move forward but we both are at an impasse, and really don't know where to start to move forward.

Things can get complicated as we have been together for 19 yrs and have accepted everything as it is without any thought to it.

I try to bring small things up into casual conversations and let it go from there. It is an extremely slow process but hopefully it
will payoff with good results.
As long as I can convey to him that this is what I enjoy with or without words, we find ourselves moving forward in small and positive steps.