Wow! This was a hot fucking story. The descriptions were vivid and alive and I really felt a draw to complete this little tale. Now, for the nits...


The first paragraph was a bit off. I think it should have been two and you could have written it with a bit more attention. It was secondary to the tale, and not really important except as a set up. But it felt like it was secondary to the tale - you don't want to start a story like that.

I set my glasses down on the table and banged on the door. Moments later it popped it's seal between the rooms and greeted me with a blast of warm wet sticky air. A closer look showed that the steam treatment had warped the wood. Goodbye deposit.
Well, Muse is going to have a say so in this paragraph, I am sure. Have a quick look before she does and see if you can find what is not right. As good as you seem to be I think the problems will jump out at you.

“Ricky, just give me one more minute. Oh God, Ricky, just a minute more.” Her voice was heavily strained. I reached behind the curtain, but my hand stopped inches away from the water knob. I heard her moan. I was rooted to the ground by her half pleading half frustrated moan. It was then that I realized I couldn't hear the downpour of water that accompanies a shower. I pulled the curtain all the way back in one fluid motion.
This is where you demonstrate the excitement of the situation: "Suddenly, I realized I couldn't hear the downpour of water that accompanies a shower. "

Now tell us how you felt: "Excitedly, I pulled the curtains back in one fluid motion." or "I pulled the curtains back in one fluid motion, enticed but what I hoped I might see."

She must not have heard me because her eyes were still tightly closed. Her fire red hair hung over her face and stopped just above her breasts. Her soft glistening skin only made her small breasts look even more sexy. Her hands joined together between her legs and I could see the end of the hose that lead to the shower head. Her legs bent at the knees and moved to press against the small sides of the tub. She was moving her hips in a rhythmic grind, giving me glimpses of the matted red hair she kept trimmed along her bikini line.
Okay, good descriptions that were muted by sentence structure that didn't work and the overused "sexy".

First of all, fire red hair is a good description but it isn't as exciting as fiery red hair. Also, when her hair "stopped just above her breasts" so did the sentence. It died a dull death. You need to find a way to put this together, describe it with life and not use "Her blank" in two consecutive sentences.

Breasts should almost never "look more sexy". It is terribly common. Also, you can construct a beter and more descriptive sentence. That one had no life and no bounce. Any sentence you write about breasts should have bounce.

Then it was over. She withdrew from my arms. I fell into the tub just as she left the confines of the bathroom. Breathing hot water for a few seconds was as effective as any cold shower could be. I reached over and turned off the water. The steady stream funneled down the drain, drying up the tub, and erasing almost every evidence of our shared moment. I could still smell the hint of strawberry she had used as scented body wash.
You've a knack for combining differnet ideas into one cohesive sentence. That allows for a good flow. However, you also have a penchant for creating sentences that are short. You string them together. They occur one after another. You start them the same way. It makes the reading choppy.

There is a time for choppy and there is a time for drawn out rhythm. This was choppy and it needed drawn out rhythm.

Okay, I am not going to pick this apart entirely. I will fire off my last complaint though. Too often, you tend to use "as" when you are in the midst of action. It kind of kills the momentum of your sentence. Also, on occassion, your choice for verbiage is kind of sophomoric.

This last paragraph is a prime example of your weakest areas:

I could only hear one beat, one rhythm, beating between us. I leaned into Jennifer as I came inside of her. My knees opened up and my hips pressed up into her over and over as each pump was accompanied by a shot of my hot seed inside of her. I fell back against the tub and Jennifer slumped against me. Her tongue darted out to lick the bruise her bite had left on my shoulder.
Make that one sentence - Shorten this up, get rid of "as" and throw in a comma. Get rid of "and" after opening your knees and give this immediacy - This is too passive and it should be one sentence.

I could only hear one beat, one rhythm beating between us as I leaned into Jennifer, finding release. My knees opened as my hips pressed into her over and over, each thrust accompanied by more of my hot seed. I fell back against the tub, Jennifer slumping against me, her tongue darting out to tenderly lick the bruise her passions had left on my shoulder.

Okay - I hammered you hard enough. I want to say, finally, that I am a big proponent of having a solid punch line at the end of a story. Your close was excellent. I could see it - I could imagine it happening in real life - it made me chuckle in just the right way.