You know i have read this somewhere before and maybe that's what stemmed my interest in BDSM to begin with. i, too, had flashbacks years after my abuse and rape and thought i was a perv for thinking things like that because i had no recollection of them happening to me. i lost chunks of my life by just going away in my head when i wanted to (dissociative identity disorder) or whenever i saw something that might pose as a threat. i have never 'went away' when a r/t scene is happening and maybe it's because i have never been scared enough of my own Master/Dom, because that trust was always established in my heart before hand. *smiles*

after reading material i see that the helplessness that i, personally enjoy is a means of feeling more control for myself, in so many words. i am not sure what other girls think about this connection and it's additions but i know now that it is my own personal vendetta with myself.

but another question is that if W/we consider that rape is a 'psychological disturbance' of some sort than what do W/we consider other forms of BDSM abuse? how is being humilated, degraded, whipped, chained, beaten and bitten any different then such rape scenes W/we play out?

i often wondered where my need for a dominant partner comes in to play in my own life. what is the fascination in being kept for One to have as a pet? what kind of life does O/one have to live in order to crave these ritualistic thoughts and drives?

although it has always been strange to me that men do not have such fantasies *nodnod* the idea of being sodomized 'against my will' doesn't appeal to me either but if these thoughts of rape were a 'psychological disturbance' in normal ways of thinking how would that stop a man from thinking these thoughts yet not a woman?

i am encouraging male opinions *smiles*

thanks for hearing me again One and A/all *s*