Thank you for your input here. Out of all the stories I'll admit I struggled with this one the most. I had an idea for how I wanted it to flow but when I had finished writing it he first time I found almost all my sentences were compound. I went back and shortened some and that's what made it choppy.


I'll admit my choice to use sexy in conjunction with small breasts has been part of a long time agenda that even small boobs look hot.

I had to break out my copy of Steven King's 'On Writing' and skim though it again to be sure it was him who I credit when I stopped using adverbs in writing.

Of course I also read there that to edit is divine and I have to agree that I'd be willing to make any changes suggested.

Last but not least, the first paragraph. That is totally my fault. I had spent time thinking up a good hook and a clean way to start the story but on rereading it I found that the situation that lead up to seduction would only be understood by me. I should have found a better way to sew the back story into the action.

Thank you again for your input and glowing review.