Quote Originally Posted by Darkgirl
I can totally relate to that!!
Growing up, well I am physically a very strong woman. One of my jobs was pallettising and a lot of 'mens' physical work. And my anger can be such violence but only when I've been pushed right to the edge. And yes I pushed everyone away who came too near.
I hope this can help you Donatien!!!
Thanks for that Darkgirl, I am glad you like my post on abuse.
( I sent this as a pm, but she gratiously suggested that I post it)

I just hope that my rather old fashioned style is not to complicated for one who suffers from dyslexia ( my son has the same problem and also was only diagnosed late).

My intuition is that you are actually quite a strong personaility, with possibly a bsdm potential from the word go,who when faced with a big stress at a very young age, used what was there in your personality, to protect and defend yourself.
Now that you have a relationship, that thanks to your discoveries in this forum (and your husbands discovery of you in this forum!) is helping you understand and feel more confident about yourself; so new insights will come and it will become possible for you to begin to tease out what is an integral part of the you that you want to be, and what is a residue of your past, and your past defences against that past, which you can now begin shed, or adapt so that instead of them ruling you, you rule them, retaining them as just a small part of the total you.

does that make sense to you or I am I talking gobbledy gook!!?

It was quite a lot of work putting that post together, so I shall wait and see whether the response warrants a further article. If not, it is the sort of thing I bought a computer to write anyway, and so will possibly incorporate it into material for a website later.