Online Sub Role?

[slavelucy]

Hiya Mita,

I was just recently asked by a guy online if I was interested in being an online sub.

Right, first up, whether or not you like the sound of the responses you get to your post (i.e. like the sound of an o/l DS relationship), i would still strongly recommend giving the 'guy' himself and his offer some thought. You don't mention where you met him etc, but try and get to know a bit about him and his expectations of the relationship, what he's into etc first. If there's nothing in common and no rapport, it rapidly becomes obvious even quicker online than it does in real life, IMO.

Onto your questions (which are not stupid at all btw):

How is this online thing suppose to work? I mean, does the master tell the sub what to do through instant messaging?

Yes, the relationship (be that instructions, an online scene or just chatting) is usually done via email and or/instant messaging.

How can the sub be punished if the master isn't physically with the sub?

Oh, crikey, lots of ways! Physical pain (pegs etc etc etc), humiliation, deprivation of stuff (be that pleasure/orgasms or something the sub likes to do). i'm gonna include some links to some existing threads about online punishments that many doms have contributed to, which will hopefully give you some idea of what some people do and/or what to expect.

Do you need a web cam for this?

Depends, some people use them, some people don't. Some people start out not using them and then go onto use one. i think if the relationship went on a long time then a webcam would probably be introduced eventually, but i would be suspicious of any dominant who demanded i used a webcam when we'd first commenced a relationship online. In addition, i don't think a webcam should be used to 'check' that someone is doing something. In my experience, webcams actually improve the 'chatting' experience as opposed to the DS/sexual experience, in the sense that you can see someone laugh etc.

Also, since I'm dating someone, do you think it would be considered cheating if I engaged in this with someone else?

Ahhh, now, that's a whole different question. The practicalities of the cyber world are much easier to pin down that the ethical considerations! This is gonna sound like such a cop out, but generally speaking i wouldn't consider a strictly online DS relationship that isn't taking up a great deal of your time to be cheating (although i'd advise you to tell the dominant that you are involved with someone in r/l right from the start)...BUT, as improbable as it probably feels right now, it is possible to start to feel very attached to someone online, especially when you're submitting to them and further especially if it's your first submissive experience...so, always be aware that you MAY find yourself spending more time with or thinking about the online person than r/l and you MAY find yourself wanting to meet up or something. Like i said, probably sounds ridiculous right now, but never say never.

Sorry, i'm probably scaring ya now, it's just that the cheating question is such a complex one....is a person cheating when they IM with someone? Is someone cheating when they RP? Or is it only cheating when they're doing something physical? Sometimes i wonder if it's cheating on the basis of not wanting to tell the r/l person about it. Not sure.

Right, anyway, i dug out some links you may be interested in:

Online Relationships

First time online training

Online Vs RL (Includes some good posts stating the pro's of online relationships)

Online Punishments

Online Punishments

In terms of the sorts of punishments people engage in online, you may also find many ideas in other threads, that didn't start spefically about punishment in distance relationships, but would certainly provide food for thought! (such as orgasm deprivation, body writing etc).

Anyway, hope this is all helpful to you and goodluck with whatever you decide to do, you can always come and ask any more questions here and we'll try to answer 'em!

sl