Marion Zimmer Bradley once said that "stories are never finished, only abandoned."

Your actions sequences are really much clearer and eliminate those moments when the reader has to come out of the story to puzzle out what is happening.

i have to say that i liked the original ending better, but maybe that is an estrogen thing, or maybe my inner bridezilla likes its romance fix.

Only two nits that jumped out at me.

Excellent revisions.

Quote Originally Posted by ^firefly^ View Post


He knows I hate it when he does that—and I love it, too. I think sometimes he likes driving me crazy. I put the finishing touches on dinner and went to the library to find him sitting in his favorite overstuffed leather chair, absently reading the paper. I couldn’t help but smile as (i still think this should be "at")his barely loosened tie, the slight mussing of his hair told me he’d already raked his fingers through it.





“Please! My ass belongs to you, Master, if you wish to use it.” I tried to putting (either eliminate the "to" or change "putting" to "put"the ball in his court, letting it be his decision, but he wouldn’t let me off that easily.