What can I say but.......
WOW!!!

All the contributions on this thread just inspire me soooooooooooooooo much.

Although I've only just started out with SIR, I will tell you a, sort of, first experience. What I mean is although I've fantisized about BDSM since very young, I never really did anything because I was always too ashamed of it.
It came about the same time that I was experiencing total hell. That year I was 24, seeing someone whom I thought I knew then stole my virginity.
My depression got worse and sometimes I would sleep continuesly for over a day but mainly I would or could not sleep at all.

I changed my job fast as 'that' person worked in the same place as me. Knowing I had to get out fast I took on a new job as.... wait for it!!!... Chat room assistant. I got thrown into the deep end. My first caller came from a man who wanted water sports and I told him that I wouldn't mind trying water skeing. He laughed his head off as you can imagine but I was quick to learn.

After about 4 months I realised I seemed to have a gift of nowing how some people (mainly men) felt in domination but I still hadn't heard of BDSM.
One night I talked to a man which he would only answer to as 'the doctor'. He sounded very intelligent and loved to play mind games. He started asking for me every night I was working and then he asked me 'whats your phone number?' Out of curriosity I gave him it though I was risking my job. He sounded much older, posibly in his 50's and very educated.

Two nights later on a few of my nights off he rang. We got talking and I felt I could tell him everything. I felt so strange yet comfortable telling him how I felt about myself. These thing were not good as one of them was of suicide.
He told me that I was normal to feel that I needed punishment and to help my road to recovery he would help but for one night only.
The next night 'the doctor' got me to have a few things ready...
candles, belt, wooden spoon, wooden pegs and some rope (washing line).
He rang as promised and explained that he was going to tell me to do certain things to myself but to imagine that he was the one guiding me and not my hand.
That night I flogged myself that hard I had cuts on my back and bruises on my arse. I had tied my legs tight, fucked both my holes, used the pegs on my nipples and dripped candle wax on everything. For two hours I proceeded in his control of his voice on the phone. It then went quiet. 'The doctor' spoke and said... 'there, don't you feel better? I will speek to you again at work but you must now sleep and tomorrow will be a brighter day.'

I had not slept so good in such a long time. Even though I had taken out every bit of anger and frustration on myself I really did feel better. I had cried very long that night and I hadn't done that when I was abused.

I wish now that I could have thanked him more as he never did call me at work again. He probably saved my life.


Please don't take this as sad but a revalation. And also to say sorry for my terrible spelling!!!c