moptop's Assignment 1 proper - finally!

[moptop]

OK, I'll start my own ball rolling...

I woke up early that morning. I always wake up before my slut – she’s good at many things, and one of the ones she’s best at is sleeping. You could set off a small nuclear explosion next to her and she wouldn’t notice.

'one of the ones' is not good. 'one of the things' repeats 'things'. 'one of those' is just wrong. So 'one she's best at'? Don't like that either. Thoughts?

But not just lying any old how, oh no. My little darling, even asleep, was still the ultimate sub. She was lying on her back, her legs spread wide so not a detail of her beautiful shaved pussy escaped my view; and she had her arms above her head, crossed at the wrists. I’m not kidding. She was just – perfect.

I just sat and watched her for a while, amazed at this beauty, so naturally spread and offered. My cock joined in and urged me just to leap straight on top of her. Go on, it said: plunge into her offered delights, hold those wrists and pin her down and take her with one sharp thrust, rape of the Sleeping Beauty.

Too many 'just's.

I went over and opened the toy box, choosing a few things carefully. I had to be careful of the clinking.

carefully... careful... repeat. Also maybe 'crept' instead of 'went'.

I’d spent a lot of time choosing that bed: there isn’t a single edge I can’t clip, lock or tie something just how I want.

Probably need to move this to somewhere else, it doesn't fit here

The legs were easy.

had been easy?

I had to be more careful with the wrists. I couldn’t risk waking her. Very, very carefully, I moved the top one slightly to one side; waited; I watched her face hard. She turned her head to the other side, a little frown appearing briefly, and shuffled her hips into the bed a little more. But she stayed asleep.

careful - carefully again. Where's my thesaurus?

I gently, gently locked the shackles on her wrists,

on - onto

Each of its soft leather fronds tickled gently across her: her exposed neck her soft breasts, her flat belly; her spread thighs… outside… then in…

neck, her

I just gave her my best mean, mean smile and ran the whip over that luscious quivering body again. What a way to start the day.

Not happy with the ending. I mean, I have no objection to leaving the situation open, for the reader to create. I'm just having trouble with the words here. Don't feel satisfied with it.

That's just a first re-read. A little time to simmer will provide far more intense criticism of myself, of course.