[i]
but he’s always in such a bad mood from working – instead of getting playfully angry and proceeding to punish me he just gets seriously angry and I am forced to back off. I presume he can tell I’m trying to initiate something which might be why he won’t give me what he knows I want.

That line "He just gets seriously angry" Concerns me.
Does he not realise what a wonderous gift he has in your submision. The fact that he has a woman that even will consider relenting control in a relationship is a great gift.

Please do not confuse abuse for D/s. If you have to back off becouse you are concirned that you could be struck in a non erotic way. maybe you should back off and let him come to you. In the mean time maybe you should keep your options open.

Just an unqualified thought.

PS maybe he is a switch.