I have a question

[davidnhisgirl]

OK so here is the deal.

i (emi) have been in a long distant online D/s relationship before. Now I am in a real life 24/7 D/s relationship. There is so many things i need to learn. But i'll start here.

When someone ask you as a submissive, questions (including silly questions) about being submissive how should i answer the person asking. (this person being non Dom. or sub.)

At the same time how should my Dom. answer questions regrading me as his sub. ? Without coming off as to cocky?

This is new for the both of us and while coming home for the store i asked my Daddy, " what would you say to someone if they asked you if they could touch me or if i was a freak in bed?" He had good anwsers, but I just want to see how others might deal with this.

Thank you

emi

[Ruby]

Hi emi,

Your questions are very good and need some clarification.

Who is asking you about being submissive and why have you let them know that you are?
Is this a friend, family member, stranger?
Did your dom say you had to answer the questions?

Each situation is different.

The same could be asked of the question for your dom.
Who is he speaking with?
Why?
Your parents? His? Strangers?

Being in a d/s relationship can be very exciting, but not everyone wants to hear about it. Conversation needs to be appropriate to the settings and members present.

For example, you may not want people at work finding out you have a dom.

I like the questions you asked your daddy and am excited you thought his answers were good ones.

Welcome to the forums,

Ruby

[davidnhisgirl]

This would be a stranger asking us. I wear my collar everyhere (outside of work they dont so much like it there hehehehe) so as you might know we get stares and people point. So I just wanted us to be ready for the questions and answer them with knowledge and understanding not ignorance.

My family and friends approve and are happy for my D/s relationship with my Daddy. I am very grateful for that fact.

Thank you Ruby!

[Rhabbi]

emi,

I would tell them basically nothing, unless the inquiries seem serious. The casual stranger needs to know absolutely nothing about your personal life, and should appreciate that fact, though in this day and age that is probably a stretch.

[Slave Kitty Sivesh]

I look forward to heaving more advice on this thread. I know after my training, my master will be requiring me to wear a collar everywhere except work. So it would be good to know how to answer questions like that if they come up.

[davidnhisgirl]

Sivesh, Wearing a collar all the time is a beautiful thing.
Rhabbi, thank you for the input. SO the best thing to do is ignore the question?

See the thing is this. I think people ask or do stupid things because they dont have the right infomation about D/s or bdsm. I was hoping there would be a way to help people understand us a little better, when they ask us questions. I dont think fully ignoring the question will help them understand d/s or bdsm anymore. They will only think we are snobish or rude if we just ignore them. I understand also that sometimes the questions and or the people are rude, but if we act like the better person and anwser these questions it will not only help them understand d/s and bdsm but also making them think twice about asking someone a stupid question.

But maybe thats just me.

[Sir_Russell]

I don't make who I am a secret but I also don't go out of my way to let people know. When they ask provided it is done in a respectful manner I will spend the time to answer them.

One of the problem questions is "why" to this I usually answer because it is who I am. Then I ask them why they like a certain physical type. I have yet to meet anyone that can answer that logically, but they all can tell me what it is that gets their mmmm attention.

As for your working you can wear a collar that isn't obvious, such as a anklet, bracelet, or just a specially purchased for this necklace that the 2 of you know is your work collar.

I normally have collars for all occassions so that she has her Master with her all ways.

[Slave Kitty Sivesh]

I never thought of that Sir_Russell, I think thats a very good idea

[moptop]

emi, I think you probably have to deal with each situation as it arises. Some people may be genuinely interested, not condescending, not shocked, but lacking in knowledge. In that case, I would certainly talk with them frankly and helpfully, giving them a guide on where they can find out more, too, if they are interested.

I get the feeling that you are a little scared that people are going to bother you - or your Master - in a predjudiced and leering way. Them, you have to try not to let them wind you up. It is like any other predjudice. I would personally try to avoid any discussion with them; if obliged to, I would be polite if I could.

It is because of this sort of predjudice, and also in order to respect others who would be disturbed or shocked and upset by the concept of a D/s or BDSM relationship, that I also think it is a good idea to be subtle. You are not in the relationship, you are not wearing your collar, for the shock factor: you are doing it because it is part of your loving life. A collar for outdoors does not need to be any more noticeable than a wedding ring, to others. But you both know about it, and it means the right thing to you.

[davidnhisgirl]

Thank you moptop for all your knowledge.