Seeking some relationship advice

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I would classify you, if I had to, as liking kink, but not as submissive. Submissives derive pleasure from the serving, the servitude and the pleasure of the one they serve. You do not strike me as the type of person that submits, as the definition bespeaks.

However, nothing wrong with that at all. Bickering over terminology is pretty pointless. However, enjoying kink and spankings does not make one a submissive.

I would hope that no submissive would ever give up their individual wants and needs. Nor would I hope that any submissive would give up their sense of self to please someone. It takes a strong person to submit to someone. Broken ones and doormats are not submissives, in my opinion, they are just people in need of some therapy.

The mindfuck, as you call it, may be a powerful thing. It also might just be a form of manipulation. It depends how it's used.

Originally posted by pam
Of course it's about what I want. If it wasn't I'd not be seeking that type of relationship in the first place.

I also never said I had a dominant man in my life, nor have I ever manipulated the ones I've had. Right now, working 80 hours a week, I can't devote the time needed to a relationship.

I also don't get involved in a 'traditional' D/S relationship, because I know what I need, and what I crave, is not the norm. Any man who has been involved with me knew that from the outset and was obviously on the same wavelength as I was.

Just because I'm submissive and serve someone does not mean I give up my own individual needs and desires. I'm not owned, nor will I ever be. If it's what you choose, more power to you. I have a friend who has been owned for 11 years now (trying to get her to this site, too) and she's happy. I'm happy for her. We've shared our experiences and connect on a level not many can understand. But as much as we're alike, we're as different as night and day, too.

As I've said before, a mindfuck is a powerful thing