I was rather anxious to see what you did with this assignment and I must say that I am impressed! The fast pacing, although it has been criticized give the story a breathless feel. If you scaled it down a little bit, especially in the beginning, I think it would be perfect.

The other thing I felt about this story is that in the beginning I was not entirely sure what was happening, what kind of world you were talking about. The descriptions in the beginning are, well, vague and there is some taste of madness in the air. I could not tell what was real from what was illusion (or delusion for that matter). Only later when hard facts were produced, could I read on with certainty.
I’m somewhat reminded of the “world of darkness” if you are familiar with that. The “similar to our world but in a darker shade of grey” setting. The general feeling of despair and the demons lurking in the darkest alleys.


On the whole a dark, brooding piece of troubling literature. Well done.



Also, it is amazing how different the tone of your story is from mine. While "dreamshaped" is upbeat, starting in despair but ascending quickly, yours starts low and descends even quicker.


Satan_Klaus