1. Do you believe this story is told by a man? Why or why not? What's missing? What works for you?

Not sure that is does work - only because I think it is how I would portray how a man might see it, and I have no confidence that I can ever really understand how a man thinks. They are such strange creatures.

2. How's she doing on the active tense?
I could only spot a few examples of passive tense, and they were skillfully used to create variety, they did not make the story stagnant.

3. Are the actions in the story believable?
Generally yes, I am an exceptionally heavy sleeper - have yet to go through a nuclear explosion, but am never allowed to forget that I once slept through the house alarm going off. So, this is not a completely unfamiliar scenario. The only issue I have with it is that if I were woken up in that manner I would be frightened rather than cross. Anger takes more awareness of what is going on, and more mental energy than I have pre fruit and coffee. Fear however is an instinctive, protective reaction which cuts in without the aid of additives.

Moptop I enjoyed reading your story, and loved the way you managed to portray both his sadistic and tender sides.

cariad