Grrrrr was half way through my answer and for some reason, the page blanked... grrrr.

Anyway - thank you all, ladies, I am very grateful for the feedback.

I really need a man - to feed back, I mean! I have no idea whether this works as being told from a man's point of view. The ladies seem relatively OK with it. But as cariad says, they are such strange creatures.

Mishka - I've decided he's perfectly well aware of the need to pee thing - he is an ESB after all! Let's pretend they've got a rubber sheet...

Beswitching - thank you for playing with me! I very much appreciate the time you're putting in. I'm afraid I can't anwser your first comment/question - I'm only just learning to work with the active voice consciously, too.

Anyone else got an answer to that one?

Was woken, is this right? Would saying instead--I woke at dawn, the sunslanting across my eyes and the the birds singing their territorial hearts out.-- is that also right? I have trouble with the verbs sometimes. Realising is misspelled.
I'm afraid I'm English - realising is right! I also spell color 'colour', grey 'gray', and various other things like that. It must feel uncomfortable to you - I find US spelling uncomfortable - but I don't believe there is any convention in the library to oblige use of US spelling - Ruby?

'To be woken by something' is fine as far as I'm aware - e.g. 'I was woken by the alarm' (unless you're cariad ). I'd like to stick with this unless I get more objections - there may be another US/UK difference here I'm not aware of. I did mean it to mean that the sun in his eyes and the noise of the birds woke him.

I like the rest of it just the way it is. I would like to think a man would be cutsie enough to call a girl "slutty pie," just curious though, do the guys think so?
and Re the twitching/waiting - I look forward to comments from the men. I said I LOOK FORWARD TO COMMENTS FROM THE MEN.. (A little subtle suggestion doesn't do any harm now and again).

'simply' or not - hmmm - it was 'just' before. Which I liked, but I had too many justs. Taking 'simply' right out - it makes me feel that there isn't quite the gap, the moment's space before saying the word 'perfect' that I imagine. I'll have to think about it a bit, and see if I can rework it both to my satisfaction and yours!

I like that the movement and thought is so predatory and the sleeping woman so vulnerable.
Ooh, lovely! I hadn't thought of him as predatory, but yes, you're right, he is isn't he. That's just given me a lovely shiver. Thank you for allowing me to see my own story differently!

Could a male think this way? Would he go to such lengths to bind her so... I will only believe it wholly when we get a male opinon...guys, hey, hello. But g-d, I hope so, and I hope I know him...
Me too, me too!!

Re the reaction to the wake-up pain - and cariad's comment on fear - yes, points taken, I will re-work. (I did have her momentarily afraid, but it obviously isn't strong enough). And having been whipped on the pussy - well, yes, a really good yell would be appropriate.

I LOVE your suggestion for the ending!! Will definitely take advantage of that, thank you!

cariad, thank you too for your feedback - see comments above. I'm glad to have confirmation on the heavy sleeping bit! (I sleep hard, too). I'm glad I did OK on the active voice, too - I'll pretend the use of the passive was skillful, rather than just done in ignorance, lol.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, thank you.

I shall save my re-workings for a while... JUST in case a male deigns to drop by...